Cheers to the new year

Wednesday, December 31, 2008

Well, it's that time when bloggers will write witty posts about things they would like to improve on in the new year. You know, I bet working out and eating better will be at the top of everyone's list or saving money because no one has any at this point. However, since this is my blog, it's my take on New Year's resolutions.

When the BF and I took a short trip to Rochester to visit his family, we discussed a few things we'd like to change about each other. What better time then starting with a new year....

1) His road rage.
I have no tolerance for idiot people and he's included that in group when he gets road rage. At first, he hid it from me like he was hiding a girl on the side. I never saw it come out. Ever. However, fast forward two years and he whips it out at any and every trip we take.

The mall, hello road rage, to the grocery store, hello road rage, to my parent's house, hello road rage.

I can't even describe how unenjoyable it is when he acts like this. He will cut off cars that cut him off. I close my eyes and hold my breath. Does that make sense to cut off cars? Not to me it doesn't. Plus he's endangering my life and I have a lot of things left to do - something I constantly remind him of.

To help him change in 09, I'll slit his tires and offer to drive every chance I get.

2)His TV watching skills.
He blocks me out when he's watching TV. He can completely pretends like I'm not there. At all. Even if I have something worthwhile to ask him. (There are things you can interrupt TV for, boys.) For instance, we were watching the Dark Knight and I had an important question. Nothing from him. No noise, no facial movements, no head nod - it was like I wasn't even there. Impressive huh?

Here's what I'm going to do to solve the problem - I'm going to steal the remote and hit pause everytime he doesn't answer me.

Yep, that's right BF. During Seinfeld, PAUSE, during Whale Wars, a big PAUSE and even during Cavs games - hello PAUSE.

Those are my new year's resolutions for you BF! Let's see how you improve on these during 2009.

Me? I don't really need any. I make changes throughout the year.

Bag lady

Tuesday, December 30, 2008
For every girl who says their boyfriend isn't listening, well, maybe he is and you just don't know it. Even though you think he's ignoring you when you ask a question during the Browns game, he's really listening but just pretending to block you out.(Truth be told, I'm guilty of saying that exact statement but ultimately the BF is listening to some things. He's mainly reading my blog.)

Awhile back I posted about BellaDawn and listed a few items I would like for Christmas. He didn't ask me for any present ideas which was making me a little nervous. Last year as this funny joke that wasn't that funny, he bought Paris Hilton perfume. So, I was really wondering what he had up his sleeve because he seemed very confident in his gifts.

"You are going to like it and not return a thing," he kept saying.

Editor's note: I forget very easily and had no idea I indirectly told him what to get me. That's actually quite an understatement. My friends laugh/yell at me when they tell me me something and then have to remind me that they told me. Then, I accuse them of keeping me out of the loop and they have to remind me that they did in fact tell me, but that I was probably on the computer or watching TV when they told me.

Anywho, the BF did really good for this Christmas. He bought all three things I listed on my blog - the purse, cuff and shiny leggings. Because I can't quite pull them off, I sent the leggings back and am waiting on some jewelry instead.

The shiny black leggings sound good on paper, but I'm not quite sure they would look good on my enormous calves. Just saying.....I have big calves.

The moral of the story is to get a blog, your boyfriend will listen and you'll get the Christmas gifts you always wanted. Well, almost everything you wanted - I'm still waiting on the Louis.

i love you, thank you, get lost

Friday, December 26, 2008
Since Tom and Gisele were hitched over this holiday break, I wonder who said 'I love you' first?

I'm thinking Tom said it and Gisele's response was "Damn right, you do," in her sweet accent.

The "L" word is a big deal just like losing your V-card. Once you say it, you can't take it back.

When did you say it? First? Never? Did you respond with an awkward "thank you?" Maybe an immediate break-up?

Here's what Wendy Atterbery from the Frisky.com
guess my advice to my future daughter would be this: "If you love a man and want to have a long relationship with him, give him time to get there. If you think you've given him enough time and you're ready to move on if he doesn't feel the same way for you, then go ahead and tell him you love him. But only say those words if you're prepared to let him go."

present consultant

Tuesday, December 23, 2008
Me? A resource?

It's funny how men make fun of you for reading too many fashion magazines and spending too much money, but they will come to you when they need advice for Christmas presents for their GFs.

That's right Narm!

Because I don't hide the fact that I'm a label whore (not completely though), two guys in the office came up to me ask me what to get their girlfriends. They had really great ideas but needed some advice on where to buy.

(At this point, I realized how complicated girls can be when buying gifts. I'll admit it, I'm probably one of those. I want the BF to be a mind reader but he's not and really shouldn't be.)

Anyway, I helped both of them find the perfect gifts for their significant others this Christmas or at least I tried. Both bought gifts when they were "listening" to their girls.

Giftless guy -"Allison, I need to get this ____."
Me - How do you know she wants it? Are you sure
Giftless guy - "Well, she said it passing. So if I get it, it shows I was actually listening to her that day."

Well, guys are listening, just watch what you say.

things my boyfriend says

Monday, December 22, 2008
My gift(s) is officially in our place.

On Saturday, the BF brought it to our place. It was supposed to come wrapped but I guess it was but with whatever logo all over it. So, as I hear him come in, I yell "hi" from the other room and he says with the straightest tone ever:

"If you so much as go in that room, I will scissor kick your ass."

Needless to say I didn't look but I heard him wrapping something. He said he had "to wrap it such a way so that I wouldn't know what it is."

Wrap this

Thursday, December 18, 2008
I'm getting into the Christmas spirit. I don't know about you! Last night, I finished most of my shopping and needed to wrap a few gifts.

Editor's note: I might be the worst wrapper of all time. It's pretty terrible.

If it all possible, I always take advantage of free wrapping because my skills are really that bad. If I have box to wrap around, I'm not that bad. But, you give me a sweater without a box because those bastards at Banana Republic were out, and you have a handful - a handful of crinkly paper with uneven corners and a botched taping job.

Well, the BF is a great wrapper! He was so precise with his corners and even added this cool ribbon wrapping to a gift for his brother. Since I sucked at wrapping and I don't have much Christmas on iTunes except for Mariah Carey and Christina Aguilera, I decided to sing some of my favorites out loud. You know, like Jingle Bells, What Christmas Means to me (think Stevie Wonder) and Walking in a Winter Wonderland.

BF- Is this what you do when you are alone?
Me- Still singing and dancing around the place, "I do this all the time."
BF- Good thing no one is videotaping you right now.

He's lucky I didn't blast my favorite Christmas song of all time.

Wham! warms the cockles of my heart.

Here's Jimmy Eat World's version

shop til you drop

Wednesday, December 17, 2008
As Christmas approaches, I'm getting better at two things:

1) Procrastinating when buying gifts that require time to ship.
2) Finding the best deals possible for myself, I mean people.

You want to talk about a shopping mecca! I have a great set of outlets, the Aurora outlets, right by us and I rarely take advantage of them. It's just something I forget that's there. It's so much quicker to run up to one of our local malls then drive 20 more minutes to the outlets.

Mark my word, I'll be there more often. I can't even begin to tell you how many things were on sale. (My head was spinning and the BF was laughing.)

In my quick shopping spree for gift-giving, I found two Coach purses, a wallet, at least 4 new pairs of boots, some dress pants, coat and a cute spring dress.

And, here lies my problem: I see a sale and I want to pounce on it.

Doesn't everyone need that pair of rain boots?
I mean, hello, who doesn't need a new black or brown purse to compliment any future outfit purchases?
Skinny jeans? Hate to love them - of course I need more than one pair...in grey and black.

Remember when I said I'm buying gifts? Well, I did and resisted the urge to buy that really cute Coach signature hobo bag with the orange leather detail. I resisted it all in the name of saving money.

Start your shopping engines, ladies, because I'll be back with my Christmas money to snag that new purse.

Friday Fodder

Friday, December 12, 2008
Barbie is in a brawl with whoever the F Bratz dolls are. Never heard of them. Back in my doll days, I had to pick over Barbie vs. Jem. How can you not love Jem? She's truly outrageous with a hot boyfriend, Rio, who had slicked-back purple hair? How could you not love him? What a cutey?

Or you had Barbie. She had the perfect blond hair, amazing outfits and don't even get me started about the shoes. Maybe that's where my shoe fetish started? Damn you, Mattel! You're the reason I'm obsessed with shoes and purses!

Back to the topic at hand now. Apparently Barbie thinks Ms.Bratz is a bad influence and Ms. Bratz probably thinks she's too much of a prude. Hmmm this sounds like real life or a story out of one of my fave shows, which I am entirely too old to watch - Gossip Girl.

Peace out. My weekend starts now.

Wrong gift

Thursday, December 11, 2008
Dear significant others,


Think before you buy that special someone a half-assed gift.

You could end up with more than you bargained for.

(READ BF, you better not get me Paris Hilton perfume again!)

Move over, momma

Tuesday, December 9, 2008
I'm disturbed by Ryan Seacrest's new reality show.

Sidenote - When we will be done with reality shows? Haven't we seen enough with Flavor of Love, Bad Girls Club and Paris Hilton's My BFF? And when will Ryan share his tanning secrets with us?

Apparently, the answer is no and never because Ryan and his blond tips have developed, filmed and even finished editing this show - Momma's Boys.

What the F is that about? Who thought this was going to be a good idea? Not that we haven't received overkill from the Bachelor and the Bachelorette, (Jesse I love you and still hope you are the next Bachelor) but what genius thought this would be a grand idea?

I think it's enough to have girls or guys compete for affection by going through a strange series of tests to prove their love, but do we really need to throw their mothers into the mix?

Poor ladies - you know those mommas will be over the top, over protective and over dramatic with their little ones. I have a feeling this show will be tragic. Hopefully, for NBC, it's as entertaining as I Love New York because just maybe I'll watch an episode or two.

No one wants to date a momma's boy - in real life or in reality.

What stories do you have about dating a momma's boy or daddy's girl?

hide and seek

Monday, December 8, 2008
I hate being surprised and it's very hard to pull this off.

Case in point - the only surprise birthday party for me was thrown two years ago. My friends pulled it off because they had so many lies going.... they didn't know which was the truth anymore. Needless to say, this doesn't happen very often.

I always want to know everything. If we are going out, I want to know where, how long and why. It's built into my DNA - I can't help it. I will indirectly find out key details which can blow a surprise too.

This definitely doesn't help with gift giving either.I have always searched for birthday and Christmas presents, too. Back when I realized there wasn't any Santa, I would make it my mission to search out each present. As I got older and more like Nancy Drew, I would even search for my mom's receipts from her holiday shopping. (Sorry, Mom, but I couldn't help it.)

I even discovered one of my birthday presents hidden in her bedroom closet. I think it was Gem and the Holograms. Even at 8, I managed to pull off a "I'm-really-surprised-but-I-already-knew-what-I-was-getting" look.

Fast forward 15 years later and I still search out for clues. You know you have issues when your boyfriend tells you he's keeping the presents at an undisclosed location and not your house.

BF- I'm guaranteeing you don't return any of my presents this year.
Me - Yeah right, did you get me Paris Hilton perfume again?
BF- I'm going out on a limb here. I'm promising something I've never promised before. You won't return anything.
Me- Did you think the same thing last year? Because if that's the case, you are screwed.
BF - No, last year I knew you'd take stuff back. This year you won't. And, I won't disclose the location or price of where your gifts are.

Five bucks said they are stored at our friend's house or in our storage units because our keys our mysteriously missing.

the lonely island..more to come on SNL

Sunday, December 7, 2008
Welcome to the beginning of another work week! If you are a person who hates Mondays or work in general, watch this short video from Andy Samberg and the boys and it will make your Monday look better than chocolate to a girl with PMS. Plus, you'll have a completely inappropriate line you'll keep singing over and over and over.

P.S. J. Timberlake makes a hot janitor.

UPDATE - Click here for the video. It was taken down.

Tween boys are what it's at

Thursday, December 4, 2008
For all those women out there who say there are no more good men, that they are all taken or gay, it's because they aren't 30 or 40, they are 8-years-old!

I read about this story the other day and thought CNN must've messed up their headline.

What?

An 8-year-old wrote a dating book. Bullshit. And Britney Spears' latest photos in Rollingstone weren't airbrushed.

Pllllleeease.

Leave it to the Today Show to interview this young Huge Hefner. You know he's a pimp at recess. He's turning down kickball games left and right to accommodate his dating schedule. He's juggling three or few girls at a time.

Men, take notice. If you thought you could date younger women, we are going to take it one step further and pull a Mary Kay Letourneau on your ass.

Demi Moore, eat your heart out.

blanket stealer

Tuesday, December 2, 2008
I don't know about you people, but sleeping with another person in the same bed is not an ideal situation for me. I like to wrap my feet and self around in a blanket with a combination of three pillows. If you ask the BF, he says I have "sleeping issues." It's always me, he says, I'm the one stealing the covers with my crazy get-up with my pillows.

Since he has redesigned the bedroom to accommodate his PS2 fishing game, he's been the one dominating the blankets. I wake up in the middle of the night, shivering and trying to pull some of the blankets from the black hole that is his side of the bed. When I do try to get some of them back, I start to push him off the bed very slowly by inching my way on his side of the bed.

(He has caught on to my game.) When he realizes what I'm going to do, he always tells me to "get my caboose out of his backyard."

Is there such thing as sleeping etiquette? If so, I need to sign the BF up ASAP for a class or five of those.

You're welcome

Thursday, November 27, 2008
Because most bloggers will be doing heartfelt posts about things they are thankful for today, I figured I'd spice things up with a "you're welcome" to my friends, family and BF.

You're welcome friends -

- for always saying inappropriate things.
- for expressing my views when you do or don't necessarily want to hear them.
- for making you laugh at my and your expense.
- for being that girl who tries to dance and imitate videos such as Britney or Beyonce.

You're welcome mom and dad-

- for being your first-born, the one who listens, who only hit the garage door once while learning to drive and never getting arrested.
- for not killing my younger brother when you left me to baby-sit him. (He turned out fine, right?)
- for ending your sentences when you describe what I've been up to your friends in "Oh, you know how that Allison is."

You're welcome BF-

-for attemtping to turn off lights, clean and pick up my clothes that I know bothers you to no end.
-letting you transform the bedroom so you can "fish" with that stupid PS2 game this winter.
-for buying "fresh" smelling candles because you hate the smell of anything food-related even though I love a good warm spiced candle in the winter!
-for keeping you on your toes through our relationship.

Your welcome

Because most bloggers will be doing heartfelt posts about things they are thankful for today, I figured I'd spice things up with a "your welcome" to my friends, family and BF.

Your welcome friends -

- for always saying inappropriate things.
- for expressing my views when you do or don't necessarily want to hear them.
- for making you laugh at my and your expense.
- for being that girl who tries to dance and imitate videos such as Britney or Beyonce.

Your welcome mom and dad-

- for being your first-born, the one who listens, who only hit the garage door once while learning to drive and never getting arrested.
- for not killing my younger brother when you left me to baby-sit him. (He turned out fine, right?)
- for ending your sentences when you describe what I've been up to your friends in "Oh, you know how that Allison is."

Your welcome BF-

-for attemtping to turn off lights, clean and pick up my clothes that I know bothers you to no end.
-letting you transform the bedroom so you can "fish" with that stupid PS2 game this winter.
-for buying "fresh" smelling candles because you hate the smell of anything food-related even though I love a good warm spiced candle in the winter!
-for keeping you on your toes through our relationship.

Relationship gone bad

Wednesday, November 26, 2008
I can't believe I'm posting about this. I said I wouldn't. I don't want to be another blogger talking about this lame attempt at a relationship to stay relevant in the media.


But I can't ignore it.

Heidi and Spencer were married, or so Us Weekly wants us to believe.

I thought it was all for the show. I really didn't think they were dating, but that they recognized they could sell more magazine covers together versus being alone. In all reality, it would make sense if they kept up the faux relationship for their 15 minutes of fame that doesn't seem to be ending anytime soon. Even casted friend Audrina is commenting now!

Think about it? They "break-up" and she gets a paid interview, they get "back together" and she gets another paid interview, then she gets "engaged" and another paid interview. What if you could make that off of an on-again-off-again relationship?

Personally, I'm pretty much done with reading Us Weekly. Why would I read "news" a week after it happens? I find all my gossip online at Perez Hilton, Dlisted and Hollywood Rag.

So, the saga continues that of a Hollywood lame relationship complete with another Us Weekly cover, which is probably in the works already - "Heidi and Spencer buy their first house."

Barf.

All I want for Xmas

Monday, November 24, 2008
...is a new Louis Vuitton.


Enough about me though. It's that time again: to officially start thinking about what to get the BF for this Christmas. How can you not? Both at Legacy and Eaton are blasting holiday music as you walk outside through the shops. Let's not forget how every news outlet is featuring "dinners for less, gifts for less and anything else for less."

Last year I rocked - or at least in my mind I did. I bought him this awesome light purple shirt and goldish tie. The shirt was this perfect lavender color that would've looked great under a black or deep brown blazer (both of which he has). Apparently, you don't wear a tie lighter than your shirt (so he says) and wearing purple was too much of a leap for him.

Side note - The kid wears light pink. So, in my defense, I didn't think light purple was that much of stretch, right?

Anyway, I bought a few other things like the standard cologne and maybe a pair of shoes, too. I have a short-term memory right now so it's escaping me.

What did he buy me? A white Northface, Paris Hilton perfume (because he thought it was funny) and a white Coach purse I returned along with the Paris Hilton perfume.

So, let's think of some ideas for him this year under our limit - $100.

Running list -
new scent
Northface he pointed out at Dick's
pictures of my beautiful face plastered all over his car and inside of his bathroom
Christmas ale
Express shirts he wants in every color

What else? What are some gifts you are buying for the men in your lives?

Friday Fodder

Friday, November 21, 2008
Tweens are the best. The absolute best. They make things like Harry Potter and High School Musical these amazingly popular movies our times. I mean, hello Pokemon! What the hell was that anyway.

If you are having a crappy Friday because you live in Cleveland and people forget how to drive in snow, then this video will make your day turn right around. It's only 2:37 long and will make you crack up.

Please notice the taller girl in the white shirt to the right of the screen. When Archie Archuleta doesn't win, she goes down for the count but manages to have enough courage to sit up and yell at the TV.

Damn you Seacrest, you ruin everything.



payday

Tuesday, November 18, 2008
I pay the bills. Damn right, I do! I put the bills in my name when we moved in because I was way more on top of things than the BF was at the time. (Probably not, but that's my story and I'm sticking to it.) Plus, we received a discount the first year on our cable bill. Since we all know how ridiculous a cable bill can be and annoying if you are a Time Warner customer, I consider it a super smart move on our part.

Fast forward to his creative check writing. Oh yes. Each month, I never really know what I'm going to get on my check in the "for" section on the check. He'll drop it on my dresser and I'll find it with something inappropriate comment. One time it was "anal beads" or "sexual favors" and with each passing month, he gets more and more entertaining.

I used to deposit the checks in person to the bank teller. But since I get this weird look and the line "my boyfriend thinks he's funny" can only work so many times, I've made a conscious effort to deposit my checks through the ATM. Thanks, BF, the bank employees probably love your checks, too.

Promiscuous no more

This past weekend we celebrated my friend's birthday. It was a good one with about 30other people to hang out with in this new bar called Cadillac Ranch in Public Square. OK, mind you, all of us haven't gotten together under one roof in awhile. All the girls brought more friends, boyfriends and kind of boyfriends into the mix, plus with all the other people we each saw, it turned into quite the fun fest of a Saturday night celebration.

This is the birthday girl, Erin, with her boyfriend

However, a new piece of information was brought to my attention courtesty of one unnamed blogger - my friends aren't that slutty anymore.

Unnamed blogger -"Allison," in a serious tone, "you're friends really aren't as slutty as I thought they'd be."
Me - "What?!?"
Unnamed blogger - "Yeah, you know, I just thought they'd be more slutty. Kind of disappointing."
Unnamed blogger's friend chimes in - "Yep, realllllll disappointing."
Me - "No. My friend's can be slutty. They can be."
Unnamed blogger - "Who? Point them out."
Me - "Well," as I start scanning my group of friends to pick out who would or wouldn't be the most likely to go home with either of them.
Me - "OK, she has a boyfriend, she's married, she may or may not be living with this guy, she doesn't have a boyfriend but her ex is here and my boyfriend is right there."
Unnamed bloggers friend - "Yep, you no longer have slutty friends."
Unnamed blogger - "Real disappointing for us."
Me - "And me!"

*Editor's note: My friend Katie, who is having issues posting her comments, is irate that I'm referring to any of us at one time or another as a slut. I was referring to specific people who we were or weren't friends with that had a crazy one-night stand or five in college. That's all. We all have friends like this who make our lives more entertaining on a daily basis. Laugh, it's funny.

Friday Fodder

Friday, November 14, 2008
We don't care, we don't care and we don't care.

Thanks to People.com and my dumbass for reading it, I was informed of the truth of why Joe Jonas and Taylor Swift broke up. Apparently he took to his blog to inform fans of their break-up, and not with the fake reasons, but to explain the real reasons and the clear the air for the fans.

You know what? The cry me a river thing has been done much better before and his name was Justin Timberlake.

Gone gaming

Tuesday, November 11, 2008

Boys are full of surprises. Just full of them. Remember when I posted about BF and his need for a man room? He kept talking about possibly changing around the master bedroom to accommodate his winter gaming obsession? Yeah, I kind of got over it and thought he would never actually pull it off. He talked and talked about it but nothing happened. I assumed he lost interest.....

While I was gone all day on Sunday, I came home to a newly cleaned and rearranged room with him sitting and playing some fishing PS2 game. Did you notice the words "newly cleaned?"

Give him an apron and call him Martha!

He not only moved each dresser, swept behind them and dusted all three, he also rearranged the wall pictures, too. I think that was his way of saying "thank you for letting me own the room for the winter with my lame video games, so I'm going to thoroughly clean because I know you won't." I mean, that furniture hasn't been moved for a year and half since we moved in! He did a great job and room looks so much bigger with the new arrangement.

Funny what boys will do in the name of love and video games, isn't it? Well, maybe just video games at this point.

Lucky numbers

Monday, November 10, 2008
You know what makes me happy each month? Losing a few pounds? Well duh. Buying a few new shirts? Hell yes. Not receiving late fees? Hell freaking yes.

Well, one more thing that makes me happy is receiving my monthly Lucky subscription. Each month when I don't pick up the mail, the BF throws my mail on the bed. I let out a little yelp in excitement. It's probably almost as exciting as a guy getting his first issue of Playboy.

It's full of colorful pictures, new shoes, belts, jeweled earrings and tights freaking galore! It shows me 60 items and can mix and match them for a whole month! Anyway, the only thing that bothers me about the mag is that sometimes they put poor choices on the cover. Um... one month it was Hilary Duff and last month it was Vanessa Hudgens. Of all the fashionable women available in Hollywood, Lucky, you pick two teeny bopper stars who wear a size 23! Yes, I said it, that's children's sizes for god's sake!

They aren't fashionable or trendsetters. They are Disney stars who did or did not take nude pictures of themselves then post them for the world to see. (Sorry, Duff, although yours might not have leaked yet, you are getting roped in the same category.)

As one of your faithful readers, Lucky, let's try to pick better covers for the magazines. Loved Leighton Meester, Sarah Michelle Gellar and Ali Larter. However, just because High School Musical 3 is on it's way out, doesn't mean your most prized real estate should be given away to just any teeny bopper star of the moment.

Warning - If you put Lindsay Lohan's dumb ass on your cover, I will, I swear, cancel my subscription just like I did for Marie Claire. Oh, and the same goes for Lauren Conrad. Don't do it.

these shoes rule, these shoes suck

Thursday, November 6, 2008
Rain or shine, I'm going to be in Crocker Park tonight with Alexa and a few friends trying to win a 100 pair of shoes or so. Why you ask? Because I'm a shoe fanatic like most other girls. I can't have enough pointy stilettos. From patent leather to suede to open-toed to closed-toe, shoes can make or break an outfit and my feet for that matter-fashion over function, ladies.

If any of my friends win, they know to pick me out a pair or five in 9.5 or 10, depending on the brand of course. And, if I win, I will grab shoe sizes from 9 to 10 and have a huge party at my apartment to celebrate my win by sharing it with my friends. (I bet I can fit 98 pairs in that car!)

So, DSW, pick me tomorrow because I sure as hell will be more excited than this chick. Is she excited!
How is she not screaming and jumping all around!
Who gently places the boxes in the car!
Start throwing them in dammit!
And, here's my one request DSW, I'd like my friends to be my shoe baggers.

Thanks,
Your soon-to-be-shoe-winner (cross your fingers), Allison M.


P.S. I'll leave you with the best shoe video ever.

Vote or buy jeans

Monday, November 3, 2008
What's more American than a great pair of jeans?



If you live in the Cleveland area, head over to Lush Boutique for a sale on jeans until Sunday.
$25 off any pair of denim under $200
$50 off any pair of denim over $200

Yes, boys, pick your jaws up off the ground because a fabulous pair of denim can cost more than $200. However, my personal cap is around $190 because anything over that is just simple overrated and overpriced - think Denim by Victoria Beckham. Hell, at this point, spending $190 is slightly ridiculous in itself, but I'll limit myself to only one pair this year.

Besides, a great fit can do wonders for the back side.

Bag giveaway

Saturday, November 1, 2008

Calling on purse lovers!

As you see to the right, that bag is up for grabs courtesy of Dawn from Bella Dawn Boutique.

If you are interested in winning this bag, you just have answer a simple question.

If you could only put three things (anything, use your imagination) in here, what would they be? Comment and then send me your e-mail address.

Mascara, tissues, condoms, hand lotion, a gun, iPod, an extra pair of shoes- you pick, it's your bag. And, Dawn and I reserve the right to choose the winner based on the most creative answer. Yes, boys you count too - Girls love receiving surprise gifts.

Plus, check out her site for a few more amazing purses, earrings and dresses. If you see something you like, enter in "Confessions" into the promo code and you'll receive an extra 10 percent off your purchase.


For any friends or family who want to start Christmas shopping early for me, here are a few things that are on my list. (BF, get moving!)

Brown Belted Tote

Textured Metallic Bubble Cuff

Deep Green Pocket Tote

Shiny Black Leggings
The winner will be chosen on or around November 30. Happy entering.

99 problems and a cold is one

Wednesday, October 29, 2008
Last Friday, Narm and I braved the semi-cold weather to support our man Barack and stand in line for a free concert with Mr. Jay-Z. Truth be told, I'm a huge fan- he's very cute and is married my favorite performer, Miss Beyonce. I saw him concert a few years ago and from what I remember, it was a great show.





When Alexa tweeted about the free concert, we both scoured the internet trying to get tickets to avoid waiting in line. We realized that wasn't going to work and we'd have to brave the cold. We did. We went and didn't conquer anything but heckling the volunteers who offered no valuable information. Nothing I tell you! They didn't know how many tickets they had to giveaway, they couldn't tell us if they were numbered seats, and more importantly, they couldn't tell me if Barack or Beyonce would be there. But, they could ask if we wanted to vote early and volunteer. No, biatch, we don't. We want our tickets and we want them now! After all that, we didn't end up getting tickets. However, thanks to a friend, she included me in with her group of friends.

Sorry Narm!



Flash forward to today and I'm sick as a dog. (Serves me right for mocking and laughing at Narm all week.) My voice sounds like a 40-year-old hooker and I sweat, freeze and ache all at the same time. Sounds hot, right? So, I'm passing on seeing all the famous people at the Q tonight and any surprise performers. I hope you are happy, cold and sinus!


P.S. Thanks Blogging Jason for giving me the clever title.

Lady in Red

Tuesday, October 28, 2008
Are you single? Not getting laid as often as you like? Think about what colors you typically wear, and it could have something to do with that. No shit. Forget how popular deep colors are this season and throw those out of your mix.

Start rocking red says a psych professor and Chris De Burgh. Maybe he was onto something?

Excerpt from the article on MSNBC:

"Men rated a woman shown in photographs as more sexually attractive if she was wearing red clothing or if she was shown in an image framed by a red border rather than some other color, U.S. researchers said on Tuesday."

OK, not buying it.

"The men also were asked, "Imagine that you are going on a date with this person and have $100 in your wallet. How much money would you be willing to spend on your date?" When she was clad in red, the men said they would spend more money on her."

What!? Do they not know that red isn't an "in" color right now? Plus, it doesn't look good on all skin types. And this isn't the early 90's where men loved the red lips/skin tight dress of Cindy Crawford either.

Personally, I don't look good in a bright red because I'm pretty pale - not a whole lot of skin pigment going on. Maybe a more muted burgundy, but definitely not Valentine's day red. Unless you are of Latin descent, I don't think red will look that fabulous on you. Although, I could be wrong about this.

Ladies, when you are going on a date, how much, if any, do you pay attention to color? And, that includes coordinating what's underneath the clothes as well.

driving while blind

Sunday, October 26, 2008
What a way to end the riding season.......

This is the second year the BF has had his sweet motorcycle. All winter long I hear him saying over and over, "I can't for riding season" or "I can't wait until I can ride again." I feel the same way about wearing open-toed stilettos sandals.

Anyway, he toughed it out and ended his riding season this year with one hell of a bang.




Ta dah! Now say it with me people, you should have to retake your driver's test when you reach a certain age. Why you ask? Because if you did, I don't think this young lad would still be driving or have almost killed my boyfriend.



Let's go back to the scene of the accident. The BF was stopped with all lights and blinkers blinking, waiting to turn left into a residental neighborhood. (I could see his brother's house where he was going to store the bike. So close, but no cigar.) He was at a complete stop. Other cars were passing and their lights were reflecting off of him so I'm still unsure how the driver couldn't see him. I was behind the young lad when his tires started to squeal as he slammed on his brakes.

I see the BF get off of his bike and walk up to the young lad's window raise his arms above his head as if he said, "Holy shit you moron, you almost killed me!" He then waved me to go around them and I see the front of the car wedged right above his tire. The bike was supporting the car in the air.


Note to readers - If I would've been on the bike, I'm not sure where I would've gone because one of my foot pegs is smashed into the front bumper. Maybe I would've fell off, or fell back onto his hood, or gone flying into oncoming traffic. None of which sound appealing.

So, moral of the story is to watch out for bikers. Pay attention when you drive your car. Get off your cell phone. Turn down your music. And, if you need new glasses, you should get them so accidents don't happen like this. Thankfully, this wasn't a terrible accident and no one was hurt. The young lad just didn't see him. Scary, huh?

baby one more time

Thursday, October 23, 2008
Dear Britney,

I am absolutely thrilled that you will make your live performance debut on GMA on your birthday. (Although I'd be even more thrilled if it were on the Today Show- I'm a loyal viewer.) Anywho, I'd like to give you a few pointers on your upcoming appearance -

1) Try to sing live. Or, at least a part of it.

2) If you are going to give an interview, don't talk in that weird, high-pitched Paris Hilton-esque voice. It's annoying and we all know you don't talk in that voice. You know, the voice you use below.

3) It will be pretty cold so hopefully if it's an outside performance, you will dress appropriately.

F U PS2

Tuesday, October 21, 2008
This past summer I spent a week with a few friends in Charlotte/W.Virginia. Since gas prices were rising, I decided to cut my costs in half and drive all the way to Charlotte to visit them, rather than cutting off my right arm for a plane ticket. It was a blast. We spent leisurely days at the pool, shopping at local malls and even hitting a few bars at nights.

After spending three days with my friend Steph and her husband, I discovered the secret room upstairs - otherwise known as the man room. Her husband had it decked out with sport pictures, his favorite beer in his mini-fridge, PS2 or XBox and a huge ass TV. He even went so far as to draw a picture for his wife to keep out - see below.




Two days ago, the BF must have remembered this because I found this nice piece of artwork in my office. He has decided to create a new bedroom/game room for the winter. If you look closely you will see his description of the current space, which apparently he doesn't care for based on this drawing.



1) I hate the chair he is referring to as the gaming chair (notice the highlighting). He claims it's the "most comfortable and perfect gaming chair." No, it's not. It currently sits in the corner of the living room and acts as a table because we throw our laptops, coats and my purse on it. Gaming my ass!

2) My mirror isn't ugly. I purchased it over two years for the fab price of $50 when any other mirror that size would cost upwards of $200. If he gets the ugly chair, I get the ugly mirror.

3) Open drawers? Not 100 percent of the time, maybe just 50 percent of the time. This isn't anything new. Mental note - I should really think about transferring some of my clothes into the semi-empty one he is referring to.

Yesterday, I fully expected to come home to a new room with him sitting front and center of the TV in the gaming chair. It didn't happen this time, however I have a feeling when I'm least expecting it everything will moved around to accommodate his winter activity - F U PS2.

Mr. Creepster

Monday, October 20, 2008
After agreeing to type a somewhat real account of myself and life, I should've known that I would receive a creepy e-mail or two. After all, we are all indirectly asking for criticism, right?

I'm tough, I can take it. However, what I can't take are the Creepy McCreepsters who e-mail me. Sorry - take your fetishes to message boards, not my e-mail account.

Case in point: This e-mail popped up in my inbox over the weekend.

Subject - big calves eeeeh

I love a woman with big calve , do you have a pic of them?

OK, Creepy McCreepster, please refrain from e-mailing me again. No, you will not receive a picture of my calves. Visit your local health club to see a whole group of people with big calves.

Friday Fodder

Friday, October 17, 2008
Last Saturday, I got my hair colored (not dyed) readers. It's a combination of adding highlights while still darkening it for the fall. Girls follow me, right?

Do you ever notice that men don't notice when you change your appearance? They just don't. At. All.

I told the BF that I was getting my hair done, came home hours later and said, "Do you notice anything different?" He looks at me strangely, "Um, no."
Me -"BF, I told you I was getting my hair done."
BF -"OK, it still doesn't look any different."
Me -"She darkened it. Do you notice the blond?"
BF - "No."
Me -"That's because it's not there anymore!"

Is this something that is built into men's DNA? It must be. However, I was proved wrong when a college student who I've only met once asked, "Did you do something to your hair?" AHA! It's not built in - maybe just buried deep within each male.

Blank this

Tuesday, October 14, 2008
Boys are to football




as girls are to ____________.

fake diamonds are not your friends

Monday, October 13, 2008


Dear Mariah,

I'm a huge fan. Huge. I've loved your voice since back when Dreamlover was released. When Butterfly was released, I didn't let that CD leave my boombox for months. (iPods didn't exist back then.) I even still jam to Honey every once in awhile on iTunes. However, let's talk about your obsession with butterflies. I understand that it was a symbol for you when you finally broke up with your old man or whatever back in the day. Ok, that was then and this is now.

Please stop wearing crystal butterfly fake tattoos. Even 12-year-olds don't wear those and since you are eternally 12, neither should you. Ask your friends. They will tell you the truth. If they don't, I suggest you find new ones because they are lying to your face and laughing at you with each red carpet pose. That dress is absolutely amazing and you looked phenomenal from the front. When you turned around it looked you like forgot to remove your latest party foul from Saturday night.

Sincerely,
Allison M.

Friday Fodder

Friday, October 10, 2008
In nine hours and counting, something exciting is going to happen. No, the economic crisis won't be solved, the drinking age won't be lowered and we won't find out who Gossip Girl really is.

This will launch. That's right people. Good ol' Britney Spears is making her return to the online community by unveiling a new site.

I'll admit it. I'm still a fan and not a closet fan either. Hell, I loved her ever since I saw the Crazy video on TRL when it first started. Plus, who didn't want to wear a sequined skin-colored outfit? OK, well maybe it was just me.

Not only is she releasing a new site today, she's also decided to premiere her latest video on 20/20 tonight. That makes perfect sense to release your video among serious dramatic headlines like "Maybe you shouldn't vote" and "Wrongfully convicted man dies in accident."

Set your DVRs ladies.

Girls don't live next door

Thursday, October 9, 2008

The world's most celebrated Playboy is finally back on the market.

Girls, if you are looking for some 82-year-old balls, look no further than Mr. Hugh Hefner. He's back on the prowl for some brunettes now. I mean, who doesn't find a wrinkley old man who dresses in silk robes and slippers a hot commodity?

After recreating himself and keeping relevant with today's youth by opening a suite in the Palms and starring in a reality show, Hef and his girls are officially calling it quits. What? How! You mean, they aren't really all in love?!?

Holly says, "I got new boobs and a nose job. Plus, now I'm a household name. I think I put in enough years, don't you?"

Bridget says, "I fufilled a life long dream of gracing the pages of Playboy twice and crying more times than any other girl on camera."

Kendra says.... Well, she probably says something really stupid followed by a snort and another improper use of a word she doesn't quite understand.

Now E! has a time slot to fill with another highly anticipated reality show that no one really cares about but will waste valuable time watching. How about another season of Living Lohan? No wait. Don't do that to us.

Here are my votes -
"Paris - my new BFF x2" Because she needs to keep the focus off all the humanitarian work she's not doing since she was released from the slammer.

"Britney's search for a new assistant" Must be related, open to jumping into the ocean with underwear on while wearing huge glasses and pink wigs - at all times.

Who show should E! replace the Girls Next Door with?

P.S. Narm already told me that Hef supposedly is dating two 19-year-old twins who be soon be girlfriends. Narm is wishing he was Hef right now....

do-it-yourself

Wednesday, October 8, 2008
While both of us getting ready this morning for work, the BF decides to do a nice thing for me and offers to install my new wiper blades.

BF: Allison, did you get new wipers last night?

Me: Yep, they are in the car. I'm going to put them on this morning because I was too lazy last night.

BF: I'll do it for you. Just give me your keys.

Me: Thanks but it's OK. I know how do it myself. My dad taught me.

BF: (trying to be nice) Just give me your keys.

ME: BF, I'm a do-it-yourself kind of woman.

BF: (He breaks into immediate laughter) DIY woman?

Me: Look, BF, I can do a lot of things myself. I'm pretty self-sufficient.

BF: Oh, I know you are. So if you are a DIY woman, what's an alternator?

Me: It's that thing that charges your car. I know when it goes bad everything slowly stops working - the radio, the lights and the steering wheel freezes. (This happened to me once.)

BF: Ok, (thinking of a better question.) What's a johnny rod?

ME: A what?

BF: A johnny rod? How do you fix the johnny rod on your car?

Me: (Thinking while flat ironing my hair) I don't know but I'm sure I could figure it out.

BF: HA! There is no such thing as a johnny rod.

Me: That was a trick question. No trick questions allowed.

15 and counting

Monday, October 6, 2008
Out of all the news that's happening right now in the U.S., this more or less makes me want to vomit because of its absurdity.

Really, Maria Menounos? You went to college, ate one too many basket of onion rings or late night Taco Bell runs and now you think a national TV audience can/should identify with you? You put on the freshman 15. Get over it. I did and several hundred of my fellow Kent Staters did too and lost it without a cover in Fitness magazine. But, you don't see me running around with less than flattering pictures of myself and touting them as if I solved the cure for PMS, do you? No, I don't.

You know who I want to see? I want to see all the father/daughter, mother/daughter and husband/wife teams from the Biggest Loser talking about their life changes after the show. Not a former skinny girl who gained a few pounds while on campus after one too many fraternity theme parties. Drink up, ladies, drink up.

Step by step

Saturday, October 4, 2008
Well, we outdid ourselves with this latest surprise for our friend. My friends and I like to pride ourselves on being the best liars friends can be to each other. If we weren't, we'd never be able to pull this shit off.

Enter the New Kids concert. Our friend Katie is a huge fan and mentioned that she'd want to go. For some reason, none of us thought of buying tickets before she mentioned it. (stupid, so stupid.) Because her birthday is Oct. 30, we agreed this would be the perfect surprise and even outdo the surprise birthday party we threw last year. We came up with a story to have dinner at Bar Cento because one of the girls had to "bail" early to some made up location in Tremont. She has absolutely no idea about anything and thought the concert was the next day.

Nicole predicts our birthday girl's reaction.


Katie's actual reaction. (Thanks to our server for helping out with our plan.)


For those of you who missed the madness that was inside the Q, here's a short clip of it.


Everyone was going nuts for two straight hours wearing their t-shirts circa 1990 - I can't believe they still had them! It was packed with women ages 25-40, grown women tearing up at the end and rocking out like they were eternally 12-years-old. It was so much more fun and insanity than any of us ever thought it would be.

Dear Katie, I hope you had a great time. Thank you for being easy to trick so we can pull stunts off like this. Joey loves you, too.

Love your fantastic friends,
Allison, Erin and Nicole

Duggar this

Tuesday, September 30, 2008
There's nothing like seeking advice from other people who matter to you. Friends, family, co-workers or stranger on the street. Hey- they matter, too! But would one really want to take relationship advice from these two?

According to their site, there is a section called "marriage tools" coming to help you through your tough times in your marriage or relationship. From where? You have been married 3 freaking days! What could you two possibly know?

Let's count how experienced you are in providing advice on relationships.
You are at the old age of 20.
You have been married for 3 days.
Um. I guess that's it.

Josh, you are barely out of puberty and probably never even uttered a good curse word in your life. Go ahead and say it, Josh.

Fuck. Shit. Balls. Say it again.

Your parents can't yell at you. You are a grown man. Start having sex like rabbits with your bride and create 21 kids. Beat out your parents' record and score more reality shows than Jon and Kate plus 8.

story time

Monday, September 29, 2008
Over the weekend, the BF and I attended a gorgeous wedding for one of his college friends. (Since I've attended double digits in weddings in the last two years, I tend to critique things because they all start to look the same after awhile. The decorations were amazing - fall scene with browns and golds that completely transformed the room. It was a great location to begin with but you get the point.) That's beside the point though.

I've only met his college girl friends a few times because most of them live outside of Ohio. However, it never ceases to amaze me the stories they share of him from back in their days at John Carroll. Here's a snippet of our conversations:

"Do you remember when Colleen walked in on you?"
"No, I think I walked in on him with that girl," Jill said.
"Do you remember when his car was stuck in the snow and none of us would help him?," Amy said. "We all just peeked through the blinds which pissed him off even more."
"He lived in the basement. I think it was his idea to move in with us."
"Didn't I blond tip your hair?"

He turned red but never really denied any of it. (I guess you can't when 4 other people have the exact same story.) It seems that they all had a great laugh, and continue to do so, at the BF's expense.

See, his last year of college he lived with four girls - all of whom I've met over the last two years. What on earth made him move in with them is beyond me? Maybe he wasn't aware that we fight, are messy, leave clothes all over and trade shoes and shirts like it's going out of style. Needless to say, they all have their favorite "BF" story and will probably share them on here now - they read the blog.

I wonder how many guys lived with girls and have lived to tell about it? Could you imagine? People like Narm or Tawwd might pull their hair out and OPENLY start wearing Secret deodorant and shaving with women's shaving cream. Maybe that's where the obsession came from?

holy hotness

Saturday, September 27, 2008

Everyone has a celebrity crush. The BF's local crush is Abby Ham. And, he's obsessed with Megan Fox - seriously, who isn't at this point.

While watching reruns of America's Next Top Model on MTV, I was reminded of my crush because they were in his video. Put me in a leather bikini, slather some oil on me and I would be your video vixen, too.

Oh, where have you been? You haven't had a popular song in a few years, Enrique. Come back and sing to me. My friends and I loved Escape, Be With You and Bailamos. I know you were secretly singing them to me. If you haven't dumped Anna yet, do so and I'll lose the BF and you can sing to me in spanish.

Watch this video and you can't tell me you don't want to have sex with him. I think it's the pouty look that gets me.

Friday fodder

Friday, September 26, 2008

After making it through the wedding season to end all wedding seasons last year, this one has been pretty mild with only five I believe. Somehow, we end up with three in a span of five weeks. Can you say hello to my depleting checking account? It's gone, gone and gone.

I'm actually looking forward to all three coming up. Hopefully, all are filled with fantastic liquor/wine and desserts - screw the dinner. I just want desserts and wine. Lots of it. (Who really goes to the weddings for the food anyway?)

Other than the free liquor, what is the best part of weddings for you?

And, I love a good trainwreck. Feel free to share stories of weddings gone horribly wrong.

SATC - the release

Tuesday, September 23, 2008

Did you really think I wouldn't mention this?
Ta-dah! Sex and the City: The Movie is being released all over.

I can not wait. Unfortunately, I didn't purchase an advance copy although Blockbuster asked me not once, not twice but three times if I'd like to purchase it on different visits. I don't think it helped that I desperately wanted the poster hanging in the window for my office. Maybe that's what gave away my obsession with the movie.

Happy viewing.

Mind Ninjas Part II

Monday, September 22, 2008
Guys are very quick to say girls are the vicious, controlling and manipulative ones. To quote Dane Cook, we mind fuck you guys all the time

The BF will turn the big 2-9 on October 3. If you ask him, it was the day God created perfection. (Really. He says that.)

Of course, there is also something else happening that day that I might have to attend. The BF says he doesn't care if I go.

BF: "It's not big deal. Go ahead and go. Have fun."

Well this was on Saturday. So, I ask him again today to make sure he didn't change his mind and was fine with me going.

Until he decided to pull the mind fuck trick on me that girls supposedly pull, and he yanked back his blessing. Well, sort of.

BF: Allison, it's just how girls say whatever to guys. It doesn't really mean 'whatever.' It means 'I dare you to.
Me: Are you daring me to go? I won't if you don't want me to.
BF: No. I'm just saying figure it out.
Me: You don't care, right? You said this isn't a big birthday to you and you don't mind.
BF: Yes dear.
Me: What does that mean?
BF: Figure it out. Now you know how guys feel when girls expect us to read between the lines of their "whatever's and fine's." It isn't that easy, is it?

Are we really that complicated?

At the Ro k

Friday, September 19, 2008
"You smell like alcohol," says the BF when I got home last night.

Give me a break. I had only had two beers in a 4-hour span with these peeps at the Rock Bottom Brewery. Since Taawd is secretly a woman, he celebrates his birthday all week long...just like some of the girls (like me) do! The BF passed on the festivities to watch Transformers for the 300th time to see Megan Fox - should I be concerned? Probably not, but have you seen her on the cover of GQ?

Here's what I learned:

Taawd likes celebrating 36 way more than 35.
Alexa showed up from what sounded like a great party with a few co-workers, including Connie of the dum-dum challenge. (yes, that one!)
Narm won't french the waitress - no matter how much Alexa tries to bring back frenching.

"I'm going to bring frenching back," says Alexa. Watch out Clevelanders, here she comes.

Things my boyfriend's friends say

Monday, September 15, 2008
After watching the Browns game last night in a friend's basement, my BF's friend pointed out something to me.

"Girls have this way of naturally ruining everything." Everyone erupted into laughter.

Being that I was one of two girls present, he was referring to me because I was commenting on Polamalu's hair (he needs a hair tie) and if the players were or weren't good-looking. The final straw came when the cameras flashed to Michael Phelps. A kid I went to high school with was sitting next to him in the loge, which prompted my phone to ring a few times from friends.

According to Chris, this is when I started to ruin things.

Welcome to football season.

Love on TV Part 2

Friday, September 12, 2008

If you remember a few weeks ago, I shared about my BF's crush on Abby Ham. Through the power of the internet and help from Taawd, she read my post and sent an autographed picture his way within days. I couldn't contain my excitement, so I gave it to him right away. I was going to hold it hostage until his birthday in early October, but I couldn't wait that long.

Plus, he must've asked me every day after I posted, "Did you talk to her? What did she say? Do you really think she's going to send a picture?" W

hen I gave it to him, his face turned slightly red - I don't think he thought he was really going to receive a picture. Then, he walked the handwritten picture all over the office, explaining the picture and story to everyone who was aware of his crush.

He still does it even though he knows that Abby is well aware. Luckily she wasn't at all freaked out by him talking to the TV each freaking morning and has a great sense of humor.

Thanks again, Abby Ham, and good morning to you, too!

whereabouts

Thursday, September 11, 2008
Several of my friends will ocassionally complain about the whereabouts of their boyfriends when they are out with friends. Mostly because they don't get updates or receive calls when they are out.

"He never calls me."
"I don't know where he is."
"When he's with his friends, I never hear from him."
"Why is he ignoring my texts?"

My answer was always, "He's with his friends. Leave them alone."

One of my pet peeves is when I'm out with my friends and their BFs call - all the time. Why are you calling? You know where she is and who she is with. It's even worse if the girls leave their phones on the table if we are out to dinner, talking and catching up. I've been known to steal a phone or two if necessary.

Put the cell phone away.

No one cares if he texts you about the make-up you left out on the counter for the fourth time. And, boys, don't be surprised if she doesn't answer her phone. Her good friends probably confiscated the device so she enjoys herself.

I don't have to be concerned with knowing where my BF is because I get days notice. He's known for sending me stupid e-mails or phone calls explaining where he'll be. Or, he concocts some elaborate story as to where he will be which is never true.

Here's what I get today from the BF.

Two things -

I will not be home tonight.

I will not be home all day on Sat 9/20 (secret male-only party)



My only rule - Just don't call me from the strip club. Call a cab to come and get you.

Mi-ya Hee, Mi-ya Ha-ha

Monday, September 8, 2008
In honor of the trainwreck that was the VMA's last night, here is my favorite video that reminded me of the duet between T.I. and Rihanna.

My friends and I found this video while were in college. It's quite hilarious and we loved playing it over and over until everyone else in the house wanted to kill us. (I was even singing my own made up foreign language version of this song last night and the BF was about to kill me. To make it even worse, I then jumped on iTunes and started blaring it while dancing around the apartment.)

For all the wannabe thugs of the world, T.I. I'm talking to you too...Just remember that you remade a song that this kid sang two years ago. Now, just how gangsta are you again?

When I Grow up

Thursday, September 4, 2008

This past weekend was a whirlwind trip filled with old friends that date back to the class of 2001. A good friend from high school tied the knot, which meant one fun and interesting wedding that moved to one our local bars. Do you ever see that group of girls who can't dance but somehow take over the dance floor and the DJ? They also probably annoy the rest of the bar?? Sound familiar. Well, that was me and my friends last Saturday downtown in our hometown. I clearly have white girl syndrome when it comes to dancing. I throw my hands up in the air, try and shake my hips without looking like I have turrets. I have no rhythm and I wouldn't be good on any types of poles. Back to my story though.

So, we monopolized what you would call the dancefloor. (This bar isn't W.6th. It's clearly not a bar that has a DJ, but it's something new they must be trying and probably won't try after last weekend.) We were the group of girls dominating all the popular songs right now - Rihanna (Disturbia), Lady Gaga (Just Dance) and Pussycat Dolls (When I grow up). For some odd reason at the wedding, I tried to get my friends to imitate the dance I saw earlier that week of the Pussycat Dolls on the Today Show.

Because really..if it doesn't happen on the Today Show, does it really even count?

So, my friends thought it was hilarious at the wedding and decided to request the song again for a repeat. As you will see in the 30-seconds that you will probably wish you got back, I can't dance and no one except my friend, Steph, decides to join in. But, hey, we entertained my friends.

1st of the month

Tuesday, September 2, 2008
Every first couple days of the month, the BF and I have the same fight. It's not over dishes, friends, or who did or didn't vacuum. No, it's over the rent.

Our rent is due by the 5th of every month. Since we get paid on the first, I immediately write my check and tell him, "We need to pay the rent," as if he didn't know this. He likes to wait until the 3rd and almost get a late penalty because if it clears after the 5th, they charge you.

A typical conversation:
BF: Allison, it's not due until the 5th.
Me: No, BF, it's due by the 5th. Not on the 5th. By the 5th.
BF: Allison, if we get a late penalty, I'll pay it.
Me: No you wont. Just write your check on the 1st and we won't have this problem.

So, I receive a phone call today from the BF, conveniently right after I wrote my check yesterday for him.
BF: Alllison, where's my rent check?
Me: I hate you.
BF: No, really, where is it?
Me: I hate you. You know I wrote it for you yesterday.
BF: I didn't get it.
Me: I'm breaking up with you.
BF: (laughing) No, really, I didn't get.
Me: No, you really did and I'm hanging up now.

At this point, he's now laughing hysterically on the phone.

He knows just how to push my buttons.

Tony No-go

Thursday, August 28, 2008

Dear Jessica,

Didn't you learn the first time about talking about your relationships? We are all completely thrilled for you that you have found the love of your life in Tony Romo and even that you feel the need to share it with People.com. However, don't you remember how this played out last time? You had several TV shows, a singing career, clothing/hair/edible body lotions lines then your divorce hit, and your relationship was more exposed more than Britney's and Paris' privates put together. Do you really want your name splashed across E! News or CNN's ticker if this ends badly?

Take a note from Ms. Beyonce. Stop talking about it. Or, if you do, choose your words and interviews wisely.

Now, is that tuna or chicken again?

Your former and could be again fan,
Allison M.

Breaking up is hard to do

How can we be lovers if we can't be friends? That's Mike Bolton is thinking right now and wishing he didn't write that song either. After a long ass engagement to Desperate Housewife, Nicollette Sheridan, he's back on the market and prowl without all the hair. (Michael grow back the hair. It was the best part of your videos.)

Since she's probably a cougar at heart, she realized she needed to spread her cougarness with all the young pups in Hollywood. Next on her list - Justin Timberlake, Jesse McCartney or the kid from Hairspray. Look for wild clothing, heavy make-out sessions and run ins with the paparazzi on Robertson Blvd.

Rock on, Nicollette. And now, a moment of silence for the next 3:52 as I sing loudly to my favorite Michael Bolton song ever.

meat market

Tuesday, August 26, 2008


Since I was single this past weekend with the BF at a bachelor party, my friends and I rallied together for a late dinner, wine drinking and then dancing at Velvet Dog. It was beyond a blast of a time. I had such a great time with everyone. From 8:30 to 3 a.m. I was completely entertained by each of their hysterics, including the almost argument we had with a bitchy girl at D'vine and all of the creepy men on the Velvet Dog's rooftop. I know, I know, I know. I knew what I was getting myself into, but we haven't been up there in forever and we now have our fill for the summer.

It was packed with boys with button downs, gold chains, white tanks underneath, slicked back hair and even the super pimp himself in full attire. You know it's a good night when you run into Rod Stewart. What gave him that idea? (Note to self: Find the superpimp and interview him.)

Anyway, only me plus one more ended up heading to the rooftop with two old college guy friends who we thought would serve as bodyguards. We were so wrong - they ended up dominating the dance floor with their crazy moves and scamming on other girls.

Because I wasn't inhiberiated, I noticed the guys around the dance floor. Have you ever actually looked at the guys that swarm around when a group of girls are dancing? I'm going to think you haven't because you had one too many drinks. But, really, it's quite amazing. They sit, stare and point with their friends and then make the move only tools make - they come up from behind you, grab you by the waist and thrust into you. OK - no one likes that. You do realize that, right? This is not the Roxbury and you are not Chris Kattan.


The BF calls it "freaking" on girls. I guarantee he and his friends used to go to
W.6th, hit on girls and take them home by "freaking" on them. He even gets this stupid grin as if he's remembering his days in the basement of Blind Pig. Damn, I wish I could go back into time to see that. He claims he's too old for W.6th anymore. I'm not - best people watching EVER!

So, ladies or gents, what is your exit strategy when boys/girls try to "freak" on you?

marathon runner

Monday, August 25, 2008
Yesterday, I decided to get in with the spirit of the Olympics and head for one long ass run/walk over to my friend's house. The BF had just returned from his 72-hour non-stop bachelor party in Chicago. Since he was going to occupy the living room for the next 12 hours and I was "moving too fast" around the place for him, I decided to run over to my friend's house. Truth be told, I'm really out of shape. I mean, it's bad. I'm 25-years-old and a 12-year-old could beat me in a mile. Hell, I bet I can't even run a 10-minute mile. (OK, it's not really that bad, but this last month has thrown my work outs for a loop. I was doing so good before!)

I leave with no cell phone (yes!) and start running to her house. I figured I wouldn't be back for awhile because it's about 3 miles to her place and the BF would be passed out, so no one would need to reach me. By the time I visited with her neighbors, drank a gallon of water and ran back, even though they insisted on driving me home.

(Editor's note: Hello! My whole point is to get back into tip-top shape.)

Anyway, it had been almost two hours since I left and I had no idea of time because I was in my own little world, listening and singing along to Rihanna. I walk up to our place, dripping in sweat because I thought I was Jackie Joyner Kersee and the BF is walking out of our place, looking around for something.

Me: Nearly out of breath, "Heeeyyyyy."
BF: "Where have you been?"
Me: "Um, being an Olympic athlete."
BF: "I called Michelle and she said she hasn't seen you. I was going to drive around and look for you."
Me: "What? Why would you do that? Where would you even start?"
BF: "I don't know, but you've been gone for two hours and scared the shit out of me."
Me: "Awww, you were going to search for me."
BF: "Yes. Who goes running that long?" Then he notices my condition, "Wow- you are a sweaty mess."

Who said getting in shape was pretty?

Friday Fodder

Friday, August 22, 2008
This is about the time where Jessica Simpson's stock starts dropping. Honey, we've all been burned. Granted, I don't think it included an entire VH1 episode, Rolling Stone article or CD courtesy our the ex-hubby, but we've all had our share of bad relationships and can empathesize with you.

I used to love her voice, her style and personality. I was rooting for you. However, when you make snarky comments on radio shows about another girl calling or texting, your stock takes a plunge in my mind. You are an artist, right? Take your anger out in your music. Write a song. You'll make more money that way... Hello.. doesn't anyone remember "Cry me a river" and what that did for JT's career?

And, don't deny it, you totally are that girl that looks through his call log.

Sleep lines

Thursday, August 21, 2008
Dear sleep mask,

You help my nightly slumber. You block out the light because I'm too lazy to buy curtains to cover the mini blinds. And, because I can't decide if I just want to buy all new furniture and a new mattress or stay put with my curret stuff. Do you see my decorating dilemma? But can you please not leave marks on my face well into my day at work? Coworkers notice these things, point them out and laugh.

Thanks,
Allison M.

Love on TV

Wednesday, August 20, 2008

The BF has a major crush on Abby Ham. For those of you not in the Cleveland area, she co-anchors the morning news on channel 3. I can't recall when I first noticed his undying love for her. Seeing as we get ready in two separate bathrooms in the morning, I thought I'd hear him talking to someone but I wasn't quite sure. Then, last year, she was in Cleveland Magazine you would've thought he struck gold. He took it from my office and kept it on his desk for months. This is when I noticed his local celebrity crush.

Every morning, he talks to the TV. I'm not kidding. He has one-way convos with the TV every morning. It's hysterical. I should film a snippet and post it. Here's a little sampling of what I hear:

"Good moooooorrrning Abby." (Pretty much what he says every day.)
"Not a good look for you, Abby."
"Did you cut your hair Abby?"
"Allison, your hair kind of looks like Abby's."
"Ohhhh, Abby, that's not a good look for you."
"Oh, Abby, are tanning? You look tan."
"Abby, you look great today."

Abby, if you read this which you probably don't, my BF would love a 8x10 signed glossy of you for his office. And, it would be priceless to see how embarrassed (read absolutely excited) to receive it.

master oven

Sunday, August 17, 2008

Toaster ovens and boys go together so well. Boys are toaster gods. They know exactly how to use them in the best combination with the microwave. Before I moved in the BF, I didn't own a toaster oven. Never thought I would really need one considering I had an oven in my apartment. You can broil and bake in that one just fine. Who needs to ovens? Right? Wrong says the BF.

Back story -
When we first moved in together, he had the oldest grey, because the white had deteriorated over time, toaster oven you've ever seen. It was screaming to be thrown out but it worked every time, so says the BF, so he couldn't throw it out. Well, he did pitch it a few months later after multiple people asked how old the toaster was. We replaced it with a new silver version from 2008. Ever since then, it will occasionally burn things that "the other one never burned." It was $50 - what do you want?! Needless to say, I get shit every time the toaster f's up.

But, he can still cook anything and everything in there. Last night, he made me (awwww, I know) a frozen french bread pizza.

BF: Put it in the microwave.
Me: Eww, you're crazy. It won't be crispy.
BF: Defrost it for a minute and a half then put it in the already warm toaster oven that I'm starting for you now.
Me: How long do I put it in for?
BF: 1 minute 30 seconds
Me: How do you know that?
BF: Because I do.

Don't mess with a guy, his microwave or his toaster oven.

Friday Fodder

Friday, August 15, 2008
Dear mask stealer,

Please return my inexpensive sleep mask back to my nightstand. It really helps me block out late night TV watching and the morning sun. I had you on my trip to Charlotte, remember packing you and now you seem to have dissappeared.

Thanks,
Allison M.

Scents and sensibility

Thursday, August 14, 2008
The nose is a very impressive part of our body says me, the person with no medical degree. Smells trigger everything for me. Curve for women reminds me of 7th grade, Lovespell from Victoria's Secret reminds me of senior year of high school and then Pink Sugar reminds me of my friend Erin. Maybe because she had 75 perfumes, all of which smelled like sugar in a bottle! You name it, the girl had it!

Anyway, what about the smells that remind you of your past relationships/people? For some reason, if I catch a whiff of a past smell, it can send me into major hurl mode. Just to make sure I wasn't the only who thought this, I asked a coworker and she agreed. She said it can bring back all memories, good or bad. Good point, Mo!

The BF bought body wash and it's one of those smells. OMG! It's such an overpowering scent mixed with a metal-ish scent and freshness. (Bad description, I know.) I nearly puked when I smelled the bottle and need to replace it ASAP. Like tonight. Because the BF refuses to shower in his bathroom because the shower supposedly leaks, he showers in mine with the horrific smelling body wash. Then, when I get in the shower, I smell it again. Blah.

So, what smells remind you of past relationships/people? Coolwater, Curve, Lacoste, Burberry?

One bucket


For some odd reason, the BF really wanted to take me to the driving range this week. I've never had a real desire to go because a)you can't talk a lot, b) you can't really yell "FOUR" like they do in the movies, and c) you must have patience for the art of golf. All of which are qualities that I don't posess. But, for the sake of trying new things, I ventured to the greens with him to spend some QT and let him try and teach me the game of golf.

(Editor's note: We don't do work out activities together. I can't work out with him. If we go for a nice walk in the metroparks, he tries to push me over the edge of the cliff. Not funny. I don't like working out with people in general so it's no exception with him.)

Anyway, back to our golfing trip. We attempted to go the day before but because the BF knew all things golf, he forgot to call them and ask if they'd be mowing. Because if he did call and ask, he would've been told that they were mowing the driving range that evening.

All in all, I don't think I'm that terrible of a golfer. I don't know if my spastic movements are right for golf - I have a lot of energy. But, maybe if you give me more lessons (like 35) and I think I could become pretty competitive.

This is rough:


Here's where I start to get a bit better.


I only lasted one bucket of balls.

Give it to me

Monday, August 11, 2008

The BF is way more responsible than I am when it comes to spending money on frivolous things. I feel that it's built into a woman's DNA to spend oodles of money on make up, shoes and those designer purses. (Or maybe it's just mine.) When I see the half-yearly sale or pass a Coach outlet, I can't help but find an amazing deal. Just a month ago, I found this Coach bag from earlier this season at 60 percent off. (Actually, I can't find this year's one but it looks similar - only slightly brighter.) I basically stole it!

However, since I'm making a conscience effort to pay down my credit cards, I've only been allowing myself certain cash only splurges. That summer bag being one of them this season. I've really made an effort to purchase everything on sale and with this slumping economy, it's definitely helping my closet out. Thanks, Mr. President!

Last week, I signed up for the best and worst e-mail - Shop it to me. I finally have my own little online personal shopper - free of charge. I was able to pick between which brands, all of course had to do with something designer, and I receive e-mail updates with all my sale items. I'm talking Michael Kors, BCBG, French Connection, Kate Spade and Nine West - my fave all time shoes because a 9.5 fits me every time. I've already received four e-mails since Friday and I've only peeked because I'm supposed to be saving money! Damn, why do I get myself into this!

Real world meet up

Saturday, August 9, 2008
If it weren't for Alexa, none of us (semi famous) peeps would've gotten together Saturday night. That means, there wouldn't have been any meeting Everest, talking with the Chef or his Widow, stuffing ourselves full of pizza, fries and some apps/desserts compliments of the chef, causing a scene with the young girls from the PD, laughing hysterically over relationship stories, or meeting Nom and friends on the rooftop for cornhole and beer drinking. Taawd and Mel - you missed the amazing impromptu flip cup game that happened.

Here's what I've learned after meeting these bloggers/ now real world friends -
-Mel will never cut her hair again.
-You can't see inside Tawwd's place from Route 2 (although I think he wants us too)
-We all agreed that we are now more than ever obsessed with Bar Cento, the atmosphere, the food and Magic Hat #9
-The BF shared his love for Abby Ham over and over. This is a whole other post in itself.
-Alexa wants a 8x10 signed glossy of Carl Monday
-Yes, I was embarrassed when he told the PD girls we are semi-famous (We aren't! OK, maybe Mel is. Yes, hello - she was in the 25th anniversary of Cleveland magazine! That is major.)

And yes, I will hang out with each and everyone you again!

***And, we also met out Suzanne of Life on Mars.