Cinderella has left the building.

Monday, March 31, 2008
Since I've said time and time again that the B.F. is the cleaning nazi, I'm surprised he didn't tell me that last week was National Cleaning Week. I would expect him to inform me of something like that. He'd like to point out something like that to me in hopes of sparking a need to clean.

It still doesn't. Nope. Not even a little. Thank god for separate bathrooms. I don't think we'd have lasted this long. Now that's something serious that has the potential to break up a couple -- sharing a bathroom.

Cheaters still never win.

Remember the movie Waiting to Exhale? When Angela Bassett's character finds out her husband is cheating on her and in love with another woman? She grabs all of his expensive suits, shoes and anything she can grab, throws it in his car and lights it on fire. Then, she stands there with her a hair a mess and lights a cigarette. Well, most women fantasize about seeking revenge on a cheating ex but don't actually come through with it. Or, we just simply through out all memorabilia that reminds us of this person. Typical. No big deal.

Check out this article from CNN today. It summarizes a woman's initial desire to get even, but ultimately most of us don't go through with it. Although, there are some crazy bitches out there that do. Here's an excerpt from the article from a girl I suggest you don't mess with or date.

"I don't think there's anything dignified about behavior like that. And you can't take back that kind of thing," Holmes says.
Some, however, find it empowering: When Mylissa, 30, of Reno, Nevada, learned that her boyfriend had been unfaithful, she rigged his phone so calls would forward to a gay-sex hotline. She cut out the pockets of his pants. Then she sneaked into his house on a hot night, turned his radiator all the way up and super-glued the switch.
"It's OK to break up. But it's not OK to string someone along and lie," said Mylissa. "I think my ex knew he deserved everything I did to him," she argued.

Love handles

Saturday, March 29, 2008
I'm a Facebook addict. I joined when it first became available at Kent State when all my friends thought I was crazy. "Why are you on that? No one is on that." Low and behold and four years later, it's popular as hell and even the business world is all about the Facebook.

In that time, Facebook has also added tons of advertising to its page. Have you noticed any ads lately? I have had several for love handles, pregnancy, marriage and even muffin tops. Seriously! Muffin tops! Can Facebook tell that I need to lose weight. Maybe they assume every 25-year-old girl has love handles and needs to get rid of those. Maybe they are even following me on Twitter?

Whatever. I'm over it.

Do you hear what I hear?

Thursday, March 27, 2008
I have selective hearing. My friends love to point it out to me. Actually, they always point it out to me. When I'm talking on the phone, they can tell when I lose interest because I give short "yea's, uh-oh and oh-my's." They catch me, yell and proceed to talk but I end up forgetting what they are telling me. Unless it's pertinent to what I'm doing in the next few days, I will definitely forget it. Actually, there's a very solid possibility that I will completely forget it, tell them they never told me anything and then they can recite the exact day we talked and what we talked about. Proving me wrong once again and that I have a bad case of selective hearing.

This brings me to my latest conversation with the B.F. I don't remember exactly what we were talking about in the kitchen the other day. But, here's a preview of how it went..sort of.

Me: Asking some important question that I can't remember now.
B.F.: Answering me in a vague way.
Me: Asking some important question again because I didn't like his answer.
B.F.: Making a noise like, "Rrr. Rrr. Rrr. That is all I hear when you talk. Rrr Rrr Rrr."
Me: Baffled then laugh. "Shutup asshole."

Jealousy - that bitch

Wednesday, March 26, 2008
Jealousy is a bitch. It gets you when you least expect it. We've all done the big no-no's -- looked in his wallet, checked his phone, fantasized crazy stories about where he was and what was he doing. I've even known girls who memorized their BF's voicemail pin and listened to messages. (What can I say? My friends are still great though.)

OK -- enough about girls and our crazy minds. What about the men? What about their jealous nature? Girls always get the bad reputation when boys are just as bad.

Example #1:
Couple goes out to a bar. Couple separates throughout the night, mingling with new people. Boy jumps at the chance to save a damsel in distress when she's talking to a guy he doesn't know.

For those boys out there that aren't aware, just because your girlfriend is speaking with another guy doesn't mean she wants to do the horizontal mambo. Can't a girl socialize? Plus, it's extremely unattractive for a guy to run up, interrupt conversation and make his presence "known" by standing there. We came with you. We know you are here. Have some self confidence. You are going home with her.

If the guy proceeds to bother us, we were all in college, went on spring breaks and have dealt with pushy, gross guys. There's a science to this boys -- it's our girl friends. Girls have this innate ability to jump in and help one another when we are in need to get a creepster away from us.

Example #2:
A very intoxicated guy comes up to your G.F. several times throughout the night. Then, he proceeds to sit down next to both of you or stand by you and your friends.

Don't fret and don't get macho either. Introduce yourself and ask him to leave. If he's too drunk to speak or stand, this is where real savvy girls come in. By now, you've probably seen this guy fall once or twice, try the same thing with other girls or spilled his beer on you. So, you probably know who he is with. Find those guys and get this situation handled. Or, you can always try my favorite resource -- the bouncer. These guys are your friends. They will take care of drunks so you, the B.F., doesn't have to and ruin the entire night.

As a girl, a sense of protection is always appreciated. You just don't want to be known as the Mike Tyson of the group. Liquid confidence is great and empowering. Use it at your own discretion.

Screw you, Lacoste

Monday, March 24, 2008
The B.F. has two colognes. One that I bought him, Lacoste and he has this cheap other stuff from Eddie Bauer as a back up cologne I guess. Today, he walks into my office and I immediately smell the Eddie Bauer scent -- I don't like it. It reminds me of high school when every 15-18 year-old owned stock in Abercrombie and the cologne. Who didn't wear it back then? So he walks into my office and we have a little conversation. I am now dumber for participating in it.

Me: Wow. (I get a breeze of cologne.) I don't like that cologne and you have a lot on.
B.F.: It needs to last until 8 p.m. tonight.
Me: I still don't like it.
B.F. I'm well aware of that. So that's why I wore it today.
Me: You wore it even though I don't like it?
B.F: Yes, I do it on purpose because you had a temper tantrum last night.
Me: I did not have a temper tantrum. But, really, you have a great bottle of Lacoste that smells much better than that shit you are wearing.
B.F: Yes, I do and I wear that but since you were mad, I'm now wearing this one to pay you back.
Me: Wait. You do that? Why?

Editor's note --I wasn't mad so he really makes no sense at all. He says it's to keep me on my toes.

He's full of shit, that's what he is. Full of shit. Guess that's a Monday morning for you.

Things She Still Hates About You

Wednesday, March 19, 2008
The B.F. gets Men's Health magazine and I'm in love with it. They have some great stories written by women that I can typically relate to. As I was watching the end of American Idol last night, I was flipping through April's edition and came across this article -- 8 Things She Hates About You. I could relate to every single, I mean, every single point the writer made and I laughed pretty hard. My personal favorites are annoyance #2,3 and 5, which I've probably eluded to here and here in this blog. Here are my additional comments on my top annoyances. Feel free to share yours!

#2 You ask how much our new haircut or handbag costs...
The only reason you should be asking us these questions is if you plan on buying us a gift card to our favorite salon as a surprise present. Please don't ask so you can compare the price of your haircut to ours -- we dye, dry and style ours. We also like to pay money to continue to look good.

#3 You talk to us as if we're one of the guys.
We are not one of the guys. Do you have sex with your guy friends? No, I didn't think so. I like my last name. It's short, sweet and a lot of people refer to me by that. Every once in awhile it's OK for the B.F. to do it, but he surpasses his limit after one or two times.

#5 You stop trying.
Never stop trying because you will find yourself to be single quicker than you can say her last name. Even after living together or dating for a number of years, it's easy to become comfortable with each other and forget that lovey-dovey feeling of your first couple dates with him or her. Romance 101 boys. I'm not talking about a bouquet of lilies every day or chocolate-covered strawberries. Maybe your romantic gesture is as simple as starting dinner before she gets home, a surprise inexpensive dinner at a favorite restaurant or watching one of her top movie picks on a Friday night.

Ass of the week

Tuesday, March 18, 2008
Dr. Gov. McGreevey,

Let Gov. Spitzer take over the "worst husband of the year award" for now. You had your turn. We all even listened to your wife on Oprah. Besides, threesomes are so 2001, so don't think for a minute that is exceptionally newsworthy.

From the article:
"In interviews posted online Sunday night by The Star-Ledger of Newark and the New York Post, Pedersen said he had consensual sex with the couple for about two years before McGreevey became governor. He said he had contact only with Dina Matos McGreevey during the trysts, and wasn’t sure whether McGreevey was gay."

Please. Let the media focus on one extremely bad example of a relationship at a time.

Nightly bathroom trips

Monday, March 17, 2008
I was told that listening to me pee in the middle of the night is the most grotesque sound ever.

What am I supposed to do? Turn on the fan in the bathroom to block out the sound of urination? So then the light comes on, I have to squint my eyes and the buzzing of the fan starts just so you don't "hear" my peeing.

Considering it's the dead of night, you will still be able to hear it -- even if I go in the other bathroom located directly next to the master suite bathroom. Deal with it.

3 topics you don't address with your boyfriend

In all relationships, girls tend to think it's a great idea to completely open up and share our most inner thoughts. Stop right there. I believe there are a few things you should never really talk about with your boyfriend. Why? Because it can only end badly. We all might have had these discussions in the past and been badly burned. Take a quick read at this article from Men's Health -- 5 things men should never say to women. Let's learn from our mistakes this time boys and girls.

1) His family
Yes, don't talk about this family, no brainer right? Don't say what you think about his second cousin, dad or his sister's husband -- even if he's venting, it's not your place. It doesn't pay to be honest in this department. Why? Because you will never ever get the right statement out of your mouth. Kind of like the question, "Does my butt look big in these jeans?"

2) Your weight
I always "think" I'm going to be working out, losing weight and eating healthier. I talk a big game -- I really do. And, the B.F. is quick to point out how "picky" I am when it comes to eating whole wheat bread, but I love making brownies, too. (Really, I just love eating the mix.) He always questions how I can be so adament about hating white bread, but I'm eating brownies filled with white sugar. Then, I get mad that he's calling me out because I do try and avoid white bread, but give me a freaking break on the brownies! So, after thinking a little bit about this, I can have my freaking cake and eat it too. I choose to be choosy when it comes to my diet -- I'm just not going to harp on him for his.

3) Money
This topic can get a little fuzzy. The B.F. and I decided early on to split everything completely down the middle from rent to all of our utilities. We have a general idea of how much we make, but we don't really tell each other what to spend our money on.

Here are my major vices: shoes, purses and make-up. I tend to invest more in purses and make-up because it lasts longer and is better for my skin.

Boys are different. My B.F. goes shopping a couple times a year and that's stretching it. For his birthday and Christmas, I typically buy him clothes because I know he doesn't buy himself them. It's worked out quite well.

I think as long as we pay what we agreed on, I will continue to shop at Sephora and Nine West until my little heart's content. Maybe I'll even head there this weekend. I need some new NARS bronzer.

Ass of the week

Wednesday, March 12, 2008
Now boys.....If you are going to grow up to be a political figure, try and remember that money will follow you, especially when you decide to sleep with prostitutes or high-class call girls. Even if you don't become a political figure, know that your wife or girlfriend, if they are smart, will not stand by your childish antics.

See ya later Gov. Spitzer.

"I am deeply sorry that I did not live up to what was expected of me," he said in a brief news conference announcing his intention to resign, effective Monday. "I will try once again outside of politics to serve the common good, " said Gov. Spitzer in a press conference.

My translation
"I'm a complete moron who paid $15,000 for a prostitute and will now pay out the ass in alimony to my wife."

Interview with another cohabitant

Meet my friend Steffie. She has been dating her B.F. longer than most marriages last these days and they literally just moved in together. She received some good advice from a few older women -- see question 4. Steffie, my B.F. always complains that I throw my bags and kick off my shoes when I first get in. I also have every intention to pick them up but not at that exact moment. It must be a girl thing.

How long have you been dating the B.F.?
Jeremy and I have been dating "officially" for about three and half years, but have been "seeing each other" (if you want to call those crazy college years) for about six.

How long have you been living together?
We have been living together for a month.

What was the final decision maker? ( Don't say financial reasons because all the experts say that's a big no-no.)
Well, we practically stayed with each other every night, anyways, and we decided that it was the next step in our relationship in order to see if we would be capable of putting up with each other before we take the next BIG step!

What did your/his parents say? Did you consult them or anyone else for their opinion?
HA...I haven't consulted my parents on a big decision since high school! I did consult, mostly, my sister and my friends. When I told people my situation, many people, older woman mostly, weren't afraid to lend some advice. I am going to admit that I was scared due to the whole saying, "Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free," but I did get some good pointers:

1. Don't do anything in the 1st four months that you don't
want to do for the rest of your life.
2. Just realize -- they are a different breed.
3. They only think of three things, sex, sports and their "toys."
Everything, in their heads, are connected to these three things.

What do you think is going to be your biggest adjustment? And what do you think will be his biggest adjustment?
The biggest adjustment so far has been that he is anal about things that I couldn't care less about, such as when I come home from work, the first thing I like to do is fling my shoes off and put my bags (three of them) down, fully intending to pick them up later. HE CAN'T stand it so he starts talking to me as if I am a little kid. I'm like..."Jeremy, you are not my mother and I had every intention of picking that up later." His biggest adjustment is dealing with all my clothes, bath n body works products and make-up, oh and candles and "girly" touches to the house.

Do you have locks on your doors? (Hint: you might need them.)
YESSSS!!!!!!! Locks on every door, though we seldom use them, but just in case, they are there.

Goodbye June Cleaver

Tuesday, March 11, 2008
Yes, finally. Someone is saying the same things that I am with much more status and a more popular Web site.

Here's to all the women who just want to be housewives -- your husband will love you more if you work.

From Allison Linn's article--
"In the new dynamics of home economics, it’s not just that men want women to contribute financially to a marriage: The vast majority of men say they wouldn't even mind if their wives brought home the bigger paycheck."

What I've learned from this article:

My B.F. will be comfortable with me possibly out earning him one day.
Even if I don't, he'll be supportive of me spending $850 on a new Louis Vuitton speedy bag.

Apples to apples and board games Oh my

Saturday, March 8, 2008
Oh my, how my Friday nights have evolved since college. I played a board game last night. A board game. I feel old when I type that. I feel like that is something married people with 2.5 kids do when they finally get the kids to sleep and the adults get their "time" to mingle together. For god's sake, we had a freaking game night.

Now don't me wrong. I used to love board games as a kid. Remember Ask Zandar and DreamPhone? I loved those both. Oh, the sleepover memories of staying up all night and playing light as a feather.

Anyway, there were no kids, just three dogs, wine and six people getting very heated over Apples to Apples. (Bangkok wins every time, no matter what.) While we were playing it, I kept remembering what Friday nights used to consist of in college with my friends. We were normally recovering from Thursday, drinking low key or watching porn and drinking wine together. (I know, it's very intellectually stimulating video content but for some reason that's what did every once in awhile on a Friday. One of us, not me, would steal it from the boys next door. Picture bad porn though. We found it hilarious -- think circa 1997.)

Needless to say, we've all come a long way from our previous Friday night activities. Our night began with contemplating where to eat at because of the weather situation we have in Cleveland right now. The six of us went to a nearby restaurant, like fools I might add, then went over to have a game night because most bars were closing and we really couldn't drive that well.

One of the girls and I vowed to go back to our going out routine tonight, but since we are still experiencing a blizzard, we decided against fighting the white stuff and stay in. There's always next weekend Michelle.

Bad example of living together

Wednesday, March 5, 2008
I'm going to start a new section of posts citing examples when not to live with your boyfriend. Or, just crazy examples of when you should've gotten out of the relationship, but couldn't quite get the guts to move on.

Take this girlfriend for example. Now, her B.F. might have displayed signs that he was going to do something crazy like attempt to burn her apartment down. Maybe he did, maybe he didn't.

Excerpt from the article:
Police said the man argued with his girlfriend and banged on her door, and when she opened it at 8:45 p.m. she found a fire in the hallway.
Police said gasoline had been splashed on the floor and lit a fire that had started to burn the carpet and walls. A resident flagged down a passing police officer.

At this point, I'm thinking he is now her ex-B.F. after that stunt. Let's hope she has renter's insurance.

Swing away

Monday, March 3, 2008
Golf clubs and men -- what is the connection?

Because in Cleveland we get a glimpse here and there of warm weather (anything above 43 degrees mind you), the B.F. has been all about his golf clubs. He went to go check out a new driver and has even been following one on eBay. He's been swinging it in the kitchen, living room and dining room since Saturday -- is that necessary? Then, he decides to take it one step further and pretend he's going to hit me with it -- seriously, this is an accident waiting to happen.

Don't get me wrong. I can't wait to bust out a new pair of sandals, but I sure as hell don't go walking around in them in the apartment either. But really, men can always swing them. Just walk to the door, swing, walk a couple steps to the right, swing, walk closer to the TV, swing. Then, he even starts to talk to himself -- as if he's picturing himself on a green putting on hole 5. This can go on for at least 30 minutes before he's bored with it. I'm trying to think of what women do that slightly compares to it --I can't. They are in a league of their own on this one.

Decorating Complete

Saturday, March 1, 2008
Today was one of those days when I was extremely productive. I was up at 8:30 and out the door, heading to a meeting then stopped into Marshall's to see what great shoe deals I could find. I found this awesome pair of brown patent leather T-strap sandals for only $30 -- can't pass that up.

As I was browsing through the home section, I found three frames I instantly loved, a gold table runner, a brown leather magazine holder, and a sparkly brown tea light holder to go on the dining room table, too. I was so pumped. As I've wrote about here, the B.F. and I don't exactly agree on decorating. After our last conversation about decorating, he pretty much threw it into my hands to make the decisions. Great -- more power to me. So, I swiped my debit card proudly, knowing that I made the final decisions and he going to have to love everything I purchased.

Then, I stumbled over into Linen's N Things and low and behold -- they are having the mother of all sales. I'm not sure how long it lasts, but if you buy one painting or mirror, you get the second 50% off -- you can't beat that. We ended up saving $60 on these pictures (we both agreed on them a month ago).

Needless to say I'm pumped. The living and dining room are now complete. I'm so proud. I even stuck to a budget -- who knew. My next project is to tackle the master bedroom. That's going to need to be done in several steps -- I need a whole new set of furniture and a king bed.