Men, food and sex

Wednesday, February 27, 2008
Lunch tables always bring up the greatest conversations. I remember in high school we would talk about the football game that night, what party we were going to and was it true if so-and-so was really hooking up with that freshman. Needless to say, as I get older, I find lunch table conversations more and more intriguing.

Take yesterday for example. During an hour long lunch break from a conference, our lunch table really dove deep into the intellectual mind of men, women and politics. Two men felt that having a delicious meal was better than your average sexual escapade.

Editor's note: I have no idea where this came from. I'm pretty sure it had nothing to do with any of the topics we were discussing -- More or less just the inter workings of 25-year-old minds.

Their reasoning was because you could recount your favorite last five meals a hell of a lot better than you could your last five partners. (I suggested they start setting their standards a little higher.) They really could though. Both of them could recite their favorite meals and had to think hard about their past partners. Although, they were both very passionate that their thinking would reverse if they bagged Heidi Klum. They said I didn't get it. "Girls don't get it." You are right. I don't get it.

The only comparison I can draw when thinking about sex and food is outfits and guys. I remember nights out with my girlfriends on the basis of what I wore. Weird, I know, but I have friends who "freelance" as paparazzi when we are out and about, so I always have a picture of our nights together. Plus, I can remember who we met and went home with based on what I wore. What? I said it was weird.

Random quote from my B.F. #2

Tuesday, February 26, 2008
Every morning I'm able to see what the B.F. puts on before he heads out the door. I see if he's having a casual or client day based on what he's dressing in. We both had an early riser of a morning, so we barely spoke but jumped out of bed to get ready and brave the snow storm we had to drive through. As he was leaving, I see him with this terrible coat that I hate and always remind him of it.

Me: "B.F., if I had one piece of clothing of yours to throw out, it would be that coat." (It's a black, fitted distressed leather coat that hits him at his hip. Think American Eagle circa 1998 when everyone and their mother owned and loved that brand. It worked then, but not really cutting it right now.)

B.F: "Allison, if I had one article of clothing to throw out, I wouldn't know where to freaking start."


Our fashion differences will be other segment of posts.

Run from these men says Oprah

Monday, February 25, 2008
Typically, I post my thoughts about living together and my relationship with my own B.F. But, seeing as it's my world in this blog, I like to time off and provide my thoughts on other matters that girls encounter -- men in general. And those that we are told to run from but rarely do.

In this article from the Almighty Oprah.com, the writer highlights ten men you should run from. There's the guy who never calls, the major turn-off who is a jealous bastard, the guy who dates multiple girls at once, or even the guy who is always left by girl after girl.

Where's the bad boy category? You know, the guy who treats a girl like shit and they keep going back to them. One can only tolerate so much, yet I have had several friends who continue to go back and back to the same guy who does many of the things the Oprah article lists. Why? Are we stupid? Think we can't do better? Do we really need to make excuses for why he isn't calling us back? I have friend who dated a guy for 2 or so years, did everything for him from letting him live with her to even paying some of his bills. She's smart, pretty, focused and great at her job, but she isn't taking those attributes and focusing them on her personal life.

So, as all friends do, we listen, empathize, nod in agreement as she complains over situation. Finally, she sees the light and we think he's moved on to his next victim. Only to our amazement, she's back in his web again -- or so we think. (At this point when girls know their friends disapprove, we hide where we are going and who we are with. This alone should cause a light bulb in our heads but it doesn't.)

As a loyal friend, I'm done playing nice in the sandbox with this douche bag. He's a loser right now in his life. Sure, he's a great guy somewhere -- just not now or to her. We need to learn to draw a line and inform our friends that they are being ridiculous, and that we will no longer support their idiotic decisions to be with a guy "who is just not that into you." Besides if you're friends can't tell you you are dating a loser, then who else can?

And you thought a Post-It was bad

Thursday, February 21, 2008
Remember the Sex and the City episode when Carrie's boyfriend breaks up with on a post-it note? Classic, classic episode. After watching that, you can't really think that happens in real life. Am I right? Well, let me know tell you that it is completely possible.

Meet my friend K.Lo. She was exclusively dating a guy for a few months. Well, instead of breaking up with her in person over even over the phone, he just stopped calling. Now, no initial red flags were raised because neither are that clingy or talk every 20 minutes via texting, IM or phone. After several texts and phone calls (think like no response in two weeks), she pretty much got the picture that he's no longer interested in dating her. But, picking up the phone isn't that hard to do. Really. How old are you? Oh yes, that's right, you are in your mid-20s, not a horny 15-year-old who had a new "girlfriend" every two weeks. After her anger had past and conversations with her closest friends reminding her that he's the coward not her, she finally heard back from the cowardly lion -- via text. Not even a phone call.

We've all been on the receiving and giving end of a bad break-up. But as we get older, let's try to do it with a little more class and face-to-face communication. I don't think that's too much to ask, do you?

Freedom for three days

Since Tuesday A.M., I have had our whole 1,000 sq. foot domain to myself. Just me! Can you believe it? The B.F. is traveling for work, and I'm destroying our apartment one day at a time with my shoes, clothes and empty drinking glasses. I put a dish in the sink and don't wash it. I kick my shoes off when I walk in, drop my coat where I please and leave both TVs on if I want to. And you know what? I love it.

However, my rampage will need to be cut short because Mr. Clean is returning tonight.

Role Reversal Part 2

Tuesday, February 19, 2008
Apparently, I'm not the only girl who appreciates her B.F. for helping around with household chores.

From Today:

I had a party not too long ago where a funny thing happened. One of the guests — a 30-something, single straight guy — came out to the kitchen and volunteered to do my dishes. “That way you won’t be stuck with a huge mess after everyone leaves,” he said, filling the sink with hot, soapy water.
As he started scrubbing wine glasses, I glanced over at my guests. Every woman in the room was staring at him with what can only be described as pure, unadulterated lust.
Behold the appeal of the dishy man.

Click here to read the rest of the article.

Role reversal

Since the B.F. and I have been living together for a little over six months now, we've indirectly taken on roles within the apartment. I'm a much better chef than he is. And, quite frankly, he's a much better at cleaning than I am. It's not that I can't clean, it's just that I can't clean up to his standards, which might even put Martha Stewart to shame.

So when we decide to go grocery shopping and then I cook, he normally cleans up after the mess I make. I make quite the mess when I'm cooking. I'm pretty much a bull in a china shop. I get everything out as I need it or it all at once. I'm sifting through cabinets and drawers looking for the right cooking utensil. But, something always develops from my madness that's pretty damn tasty. Needless to say, he sometimes has a big mess to clean up. Like I said, because I don't clean up to his standards, the only thing I'm allowed to touch are the pans -- I'm allowed to dry them.

Then last night he cooked and cleaned, and I offered to clean up because that's what I should do, right? Wrong!

B.F. -- Allison get away from the sink. You don't know what you are doing
Me -- You cooked, so I'll clean up the taco mess.
B.F.-- No, you won't, you don't even clean up the stove after you cook on it.

Here's my stove cleaning isssue. If I'm boiling water for some frozen vegetables or pasta, do I really need to intricately clean every nook of the stove? I don't think so. Well in mop boy's world, I really really need to. Although, in the grand scheme of things, I really shouldn't be complaining too much. I mean, I have a B.F. who likes to clean. In fact, he may just love it. He even mops.

In the cleaning wars, he wins. Hands down.

Office romances -- Sh*ting where you eat

Thursday, February 14, 2008
Got to love my dad. He sent me a text about this article on the front cover of Plain Dealer's Business section today. (For a 51-year-old, he's getting pretty good at texting and understands how much time it saves, rather than picking up the phone to call me. This all coming from the guy who used to yell at me when I'd have $200+ cell phone bills from all the texting. I guess he forgot about those, huh?)

Anyway, this article touches on a subject that is close to my heart, literally, because I am in an office romance. Yes, that is right, I not only work with the B.F. but I live with him, too. I wish I would've been quoted in this article. (Hello Katherine! If you do a follow-up, be sure to give me a call.)

Office romances can be done in a tasteful way. For us, we tried (we really did) to keep it a secret for as long as possible. During the beginning of our courtship, I was just ending my internship and didn't want to be known as "that intern," especially since I had a huge interest in working for the company. I was very private about our budding relationship and when asked, I'd coyly just say "no, not dating" and let the chips fall where they may. We tried to be extremely descrete with our actions, too. For instance, we tried not to be seen leaving work functions together or even talking more than usual because we trying to avoid the watercooler nonsense of "are-they-or-aren't-they-dating."

And, dating is such a coin toss anyway these days. Think about it. What if we broke up? What if it was bad? I'd be venting to this person, he'd be venting to another colleague -- it makes my head spin just thinking about it. So, given all of our options, I think we handled it to the best our abilities. Fast forward 1.5 years and I still refer to him as "my BF," even though I'm pretty sure all of my colleagues know we are dating.

So, to all of you are thinking of dating the guy or girl in the next cubicle, think really hard about it. As long as you are both on the same page, I think you'll be OK in your future endeavors. Plus, if it turns out that bad, just find a new job! Or, prepare for a lot of watercooler talk around whether you did or didn't hook up with the guy in IT.

V-day -- What to get and not to get

Monday, February 11, 2008
I love Valentine's day for one reason, and one reason only -- chocolate-covered strawberries (CCS). As a kid, I always remember my dad buying them for my mom. I'm talking about gigantic CCS that I would secretly steal (not so sure how secret it was), but I would always want to eat them. My mouth is watering just thinking about it. Now, that is a great gift example to get someone as long as they like that combo. Target already has its shelves stocked with gross candy and stuffed animals. If you are thinking about that getting your special someone something for this Hallmark holiday, please don't make any of the purchases below.

For girls:
Save the Care bears -- am I five? Five-year olds like stuffed animals. We liked it when our dads or uncles would win them at Cedar Point. However, we don't like it when our BF or boy toy gets them for us. Unless of course it has a designer purse attached to it -- that's the only time we like it.

Tickets to a game - Unless they are floor seats, we don't want them. Plus, we know it's your ploy to pretend it's about us, but really, you just wanted an excuse to go. And, maybe even get on the kiss cam with your arm candy.

Flowers -- OK, you can go both ways on this-- girls love 'em and hate 'em. Personally, they remind me of funerals and that "oops-I-forgot-to-give-you-something-so-here's-some-flowers." And, boys, skip on the roses -- anyone can pull that off. Pick something else out. This is a great way to let her know that you do listen to her, even when she doesn't think you are. And, I think roses are pretty damn expensive anyway so get something like calla lillies or tulips.

For guys:
No stuffed animals. If that isn't a way to tell your BF he's a wuss, I don't know what is. And, if he likes them, dump his ass.

Boxers -- Girls like hearts, patterns and sayings on their underwear (Hello, PINK by VS) but not so much with guys. Other than V-day, how many times do you really see heart boxers?

CD of special songs -- Unless it's a funny joke, don't do this either. Maybe buy him a CD he's been wanting or an iTunes download card, but don't burn a compliation of Celine, Whitney and Mariah and give it to him and expect him to like it.

Framed cutsy pictures -- Uhhh no. Unless you are in high school you can still do this, but this is a stage you desperately need to grow out of if you haven't already. Unless you were planning on hanging a few pics of you and the B.F., this might be one you want to skip or plan on never seeing it displayed to the public.

Here's what both sexes can do:

Dinner -- Either make it or go out to a new place you've been wanting to try, or maybe even a place that's special to both of you. Who doesn't love a bottle of wine and amazing food!

CCS-- As long as they aren't allergic to either ingredient, these are a definite winner in my book.

Liquor -- Nothing says "I love you" more than his or her favorite bottle of liquor or wine. I'm serious. I love wine.

DVD/Movies -- It doesn't have to be a sappy love story, but you can pick up his or her new fave movie from Best Buy or Target.

Perfume/Cologne -- Warning: This has the potential to turn out horribly wrong. This is only a safe option if you know what scents your significant other likes. Your best bet is to hit up Sephora or Nordstrom, buy the fragnance and make sure they include a tester for your honey.

Dear Diary-- A girl and guy perspective

Thursday, February 7, 2008
A friend sent me this forward sometime last week. Truth be told, I'm not a huge fan of forwards, especially ones that aren't funny or that get sent to me from the same people multiple times. (Check who the person before you forwarded too already!) Anyway, this particular forward made me laugh out loud because it's so, so freaking true about girls and how our crazy minds work.

HER DIARY:
Tonight I thought he was acting weird. We had made plans to meet at a bar to have a drink. I was shopping with my friends all day long, so I thought he was upset at the fact that I was a bit late, but he made no comment. Conversation wasn't flowing so I suggested that we go somewhere quiet so we could talk. He agreed but he kept quiet and absent. I asked him what was wrong; he said nothing. I asked him if it was my fault that he was upset. He said it had nothing to do with me and not to worry. On the way home I told him that I loved him, he simply smiled and kept driving. I can't explain his behavior. I don't know why he didn't say,'I love you too.' When we got home I felt as if I had lost him, as if he wanted nothing to do with me anymore. He just sat there and watched TV. He seemed distant and absent. Finally, I decided to go to bed. About 10 minutes later he came to bed, and to my surprise he responded to my caress and we made love, but I still felt that he was distracted and his thoughts were somewhere else. He fell asleep. I cried. I don't know what to do. I'm almost sure that his thoughts are with someone else. My life is a disaster.

HIS DIARY:
I shot the worst round of golf in my life today, but at least I got laid.

Give Up

Wednesday, February 6, 2008
Since it's that very important Wednesday of the Catholic religion, I thought it was fitting to take the idea of "giving something up" by translating it to my daily and exciting life. (A little self-reflection if you will.) What can I give up? My friend is giving up alcohol. Really. She's giving it up in the hopes of saving more money I think. I don't believe her -- she'll be out with my drinking in two weeks tops. A co-worker is giving up chocolate (I'd fail in one hour).

Here are some things I could give up, or at least try and cut down on:
-being late (no one likes a tardy person)
-cussing (I've been known to drop the f-bombs)
-disorganization (a constant battle between the BF and I)
-being a clothes whore (my credit cards would hate me)

And, more importantly, here are a few things the BF could give up or cut down on:
-being a clean whore (It's OK if soap is left in the sink. No one is going to die.)
-owning the TV and remote (my reality shows aren't that bad).
-riding the ass of other cars when they cut him off (he calls it defensive driving, but I think I'm going to die.)

Random quote from my B.F. #1

Tuesday, February 5, 2008
I grew up with a brother, so technically I should expect every off the wall comment that comes from my boyfriend's mouth. He has a couple funny one-liners that make me laugh and then sometimes I'm just in awe of the shit he says. Good thing I don't take him too seriously.

"Allison, you are beautiful, just not in the morning."

Mind ninjas -- girls win 99% of the arguments

Friday, February 1, 2008
Earlier this week, the B.F. and I were flipping through channels and Dane Cook was on. I love him. He's hilarious. I saw him when he came to Kent State and I was crying I was laughing so hard. Anyway, it was almost too perfect that this segment was on when we were watching it together. He goes on about a 9 minute rant on women, fighting and how we always beat men with a "tic-tac" comment that explodes like a detitinator in his mind. It's true. So unbeliveably true. We talk our way in circles in such a way that only girls understand and appreciate.

As I was watching this, I was wondering if I pull any of these moves? Do I touch my face and take three steps? What's my "tic-tac" of a moment? Do I even have a tic-tac comment?

So, if you are in a fight with your boyfriend, girlfriend or girl or guy you want to date, here's to the arguments that can go on for days -- over absolutely nothing.