Vacation to the south

Sunday, July 27, 2008

That is right. I'm heading to Charlotte to stay with two friends and another one on may down there. In order to keep myself busy, I rented two books on CD (Jennifer Weiner books) and tried to download some for free to my iPod, but it didn't work out like I thought it would - WTF! Anyway, I'm excited to listen to both of those books. Easy, summertime reading, you know?

Here's what we are going to do:

-Lay out.
-Maybe head east to Wilmington to tour where Dawson's Creed was filmed. (OMG - I was in love with this show in high school. I had my own version of Dawson, except the fact that it was stictly platonic.)
-Visit some bars/restaurants/noteworthy Charlotte places.
-Maybe make ourselves do two-a-days like our high school volleyball days
-Trying not to check my e-mail. (So not going to happen.)

Friday Fodder

Friday, July 25, 2008
OMG! This woman is amazing! Instead of retreating away from the limelight after she received $750K, she is charging right into it again with this little not-needed explanation! HA!

She is sick and tired of defending herself, y'all. She just is. And, she's goes after the born-again Christian (not fact checking that claim) Kathy Lee Gifford after remarks made about her yesterday on the Today Show.

And, she's going back to London! No! Tricia. Don't. Go.

Marriage = white people only

Thursday, July 24, 2008
This headline immediately caught my eye this morning. "Is marriage really for white people?"

White people are crazy. If you don't believe me, check out stuff white people like and they'll go into all kinds of crazy things we do.

Back to the fact that only white people get married though. I see her point because she says statistics are against her. But then again, aren't the statistics against everyone?

More interesting posts at a later date. I have a major headache from too much fun from last night.

The next bachelorette

Tuesday, July 22, 2008

It's our favorite trainwreck again- Tricia Walsh-Smith. A Manhattan judge granted her husband a divorce on the grounds of cruel and inhuman treatment with their pre-nup intact and her walking away with $750,000.

If you ask Tricia, she was basically thrown out on the streets because that's pocket change to her. But, more importantly, how is a YouTube video considered cruel and inhuman treatment? Really? Inhuman treatment? She didn't castrate him she just ranted on YouTube and more or less did herself in. Stupid and immature? Yes. Trying to squeeze more money out of an air-tight pre-nup? Yes. But cruel and inhuman? Sorry. Both are in the arts and like to keep things dramatic. The demise of their relationship was nothing but dramatic.

I vote Tricia to be the next Bachelorette!

Things my boyfriend says

Friday, July 18, 2008
BF: Will you let me wear my playboy visor?

Me: What?

BF: Will you let me wear my playboy visor? You know. the visor?

Me: What? (Thinking if I knew this kid had a playboy visor, I never would've started dating him.)

Me: Aren't you a little too old to wear that? (He does have a Playboy blanket that is the perfect material minus the fact that it has the bunny on it.)

BF: So, that's a no?

Penis Envy

Nothing like some good Penis talk on a Thursday.

On your lunch break today, take a minute to read this article from Kara Baskin. Here is an excerpt from the article:

"But, ladies, do you understand his penis?

Outwardly, the male body seems so simple, of course. Guys don’t have to worry about annoying things like periods. Their sexual organs dangle outside their bodies, arousal is easy to identify, and what you see seems to be what you get. But once you’ve dated enough, the plot starts to thicken. We all have our war stories: There’s the dreamy guy with the semen that tastes like turnips; the sweet Emo guy whose penis curves terrifyingly to the right when erect; and that burly football player who couldn’t get an erection at all. Untrimmed pubic hair; hairy balls; lopsided testicles. Each guy is a little weird in his own special way. And if he isn’t weird? Well, that’s weird too."

If you are in a relationship where the guy is great but his penis is malfunctioning, I think you should pick up her book "Size Matters" and take a lesson from the Good Sex Fairy herself, Kara Baskin. Or in my opinion, which Kara probably won't agree with me on, dump him. Have your fun, enjoy the rendevous while it's fabulous and then move on when it takes a dive into the dumps.

Beautiful morning

Tuesday, July 15, 2008

The BF has seen my beautiful face for almost every morning for a year now. He sees me at my best all dolled up (not with tranny make-up), and then my more natural self in the morning.

I get it. Girls aren't always as strikingly gorgeous in the morning as when you met them 6 beers in at that dark club. Or, with tons of make-up on. But, we aren't that ugly in the morning.

"Allison, you're beautiful, just not in the morning." I'm pretty sure I laughed out loud at him when he first told me this. What guy in there right mind says that to his girlfriend and doesn't expect a hard slap? Stupid boys. Although, it's not like he looks like Brad Pitt in the morning either - hello, morning breath. Gross! Sick! I'm not a fan of morning makeouts. It only happens in movies, not real life people.

I admit it. I don't look that hot in the a.m. My eyes are slightly puffy but nothing out of the exorcist or worse, Pam Anderson. (Now there's a chick who needs all the tranny make-up help she can get.) Apparently, I'm scary to the BF and my mask makes it worse.

How scary is your girlfriend or boyfriend in the morning?

Friday Fodder

Friday, July 11, 2008

Marriage tips? From a priest? I'm still not a believer.

A 79-year-old priest is giving out marital advice and apparently people are listening.

Most of what he said can be ripped from any issue of Cosmo or even Men's Health.
Obviously you can't change a person. And, I'm always weary of girls/guys who don't have a close group of friends. There is an issue there. I don't care what anyone says. And, if the priest is agreeing with me, something is either very wrong or very right.

You've got mail

Wednesday, July 9, 2008
I never get the mail. I don't. I don't think I about, I don't really "forget" I'm not getting it until the BF reminds me or I'm wondering my new issue of Lucky is. Just not a priority for me until the BF goes away for a few days.

He's out in Lala land until Friday enjoying the sunshine, eating at great restaurants and looking at the beach from a Santa Monica hotel room. Yep, I'm jealous to say the least.

However, every time the BF leaves for a few days, the first thing he walks in the door says is "hi" and then "did you get mail?"

Now. If that isn't love, I don't know what the hell is.

Love on a reality show

Truth be told, I think the lights, Hollywood hills home and constant cameras can make anyone fall in love. Take the Bachelorette or Bachelor for example. I don't typically watch this show. You've seen one, hell, you've seen them all. Girls love guy, guy makes out with girls, girls cry and fight with each other and someone wins at the end - or at least until the season finale.

Well, let's hope in this case it isn't true. I've watched every DVR'd episode of this season's bachelorette, called my friends during commercial breaks, messaged Jesse and even thought I figured out how it would end. Jesse, her now fiance, and I are friends from our days back in high school - way back to the class of 2001. Based on rumored information, I thought he'd make it to the top four. That was it. Come on - did you see him in InTouch weekly with the hideous technicolor coat on? Anyway, he said that "America would hate him on the first episode." I now know that he was just trying to throw me off the whole time. My friend Gretchen and I had a master plan that Deanna wouldn't pick him and he'd be the next bachelor.

Well, I guess we shouldn't be betting women because we would've owed someone a lot of money. Good luck, lovers.

Date her

Thursday, July 3, 2008
OK, calling all you single, good-looking, responsible, career-focused men of the greater Cleveland area. Mel is ready to mingle with you.

Here are a few of her dealbreakers
1. Kids with multiple baby-mommas
2. Men in their 30s (and beyond)who still do whippets
3. White furniture with brass accents
4. Someone that keeps me waiting

Here's what she has to say:
That being said, I declared I am ready to date because there are also many things I miss as being part of a couple — again, things that were missing from this last year’s roll in the hay.

So, if you are up to the challenge, read her blog, e-mail her (no creeps allowed) and just maybe you can go kayaking with her.

Sex in the watermelon

Wednesday, July 2, 2008

Here's the secret to better sex. Forget Maxim and Kama Sutra - it's f'ing watermelon. Start eating the rind and you can expect similar results from Viagra.

Check it out.

Cougar hunting

Tuesday, July 1, 2008

Saturdays can get lame. The same old bars, people and d-bags in those same old bars. Well, my friends and I decided to liven things up and head to a Catholic school's festival. (Granted, we had all gone to Catholic schools at some point in our lives. But who the hell let us in?)

It was a hop, skip and drunk walk from our (me and the BF) friend's house. So, the boys played cornhole and got their asses handed to them by some 35-year-old who probably had kids in this school. This, I might add, pissed the boys off. They have spent years perfecting their game in the BF's friend's backyard... only to get beat by a dad??!!

Later that night, after a bottle of wine, my friend Michelle and I walked back over to Casino night to give the boys more money and scout for these so-called C.C's (Catholic cougars). Holy crap were we out of place. Cougars, W.T., old men and a woman with a Virgin Mary t-shirt were in this place. So, we gambled with dollars and ended up giving some our money to the church. (I'm not a fan of churches to begin with, but since it did have something to do with my upbringing, I felt I could throw $20 at it to get some good entertainment.)

I was dissapointed by the lack of cougars that I heard about at the previous casino night. There were a few here and there. Apparently at the last casino night (yes, there is more than one), they were prowling like vultures and hit on a few of the guys with their husbands close by their sides. (Swingers? In a Catholic church?)

I guess it just goes to show you that God loves all his children - swinger, cougar or not.