Duggar this

Tuesday, September 30, 2008
There's nothing like seeking advice from other people who matter to you. Friends, family, co-workers or stranger on the street. Hey- they matter, too! But would one really want to take relationship advice from these two?

According to their site, there is a section called "marriage tools" coming to help you through your tough times in your marriage or relationship. From where? You have been married 3 freaking days! What could you two possibly know?

Let's count how experienced you are in providing advice on relationships.
You are at the old age of 20.
You have been married for 3 days.
Um. I guess that's it.

Josh, you are barely out of puberty and probably never even uttered a good curse word in your life. Go ahead and say it, Josh.

Fuck. Shit. Balls. Say it again.

Your parents can't yell at you. You are a grown man. Start having sex like rabbits with your bride and create 21 kids. Beat out your parents' record and score more reality shows than Jon and Kate plus 8.

story time

Monday, September 29, 2008
Over the weekend, the BF and I attended a gorgeous wedding for one of his college friends. (Since I've attended double digits in weddings in the last two years, I tend to critique things because they all start to look the same after awhile. The decorations were amazing - fall scene with browns and golds that completely transformed the room. It was a great location to begin with but you get the point.) That's beside the point though.

I've only met his college girl friends a few times because most of them live outside of Ohio. However, it never ceases to amaze me the stories they share of him from back in their days at John Carroll. Here's a snippet of our conversations:

"Do you remember when Colleen walked in on you?"
"No, I think I walked in on him with that girl," Jill said.
"Do you remember when his car was stuck in the snow and none of us would help him?," Amy said. "We all just peeked through the blinds which pissed him off even more."
"He lived in the basement. I think it was his idea to move in with us."
"Didn't I blond tip your hair?"

He turned red but never really denied any of it. (I guess you can't when 4 other people have the exact same story.) It seems that they all had a great laugh, and continue to do so, at the BF's expense.

See, his last year of college he lived with four girls - all of whom I've met over the last two years. What on earth made him move in with them is beyond me? Maybe he wasn't aware that we fight, are messy, leave clothes all over and trade shoes and shirts like it's going out of style. Needless to say, they all have their favorite "BF" story and will probably share them on here now - they read the blog.

I wonder how many guys lived with girls and have lived to tell about it? Could you imagine? People like Narm or Tawwd might pull their hair out and OPENLY start wearing Secret deodorant and shaving with women's shaving cream. Maybe that's where the obsession came from?

holy hotness

Saturday, September 27, 2008

Everyone has a celebrity crush. The BF's local crush is Abby Ham. And, he's obsessed with Megan Fox - seriously, who isn't at this point.

While watching reruns of America's Next Top Model on MTV, I was reminded of my crush because they were in his video. Put me in a leather bikini, slather some oil on me and I would be your video vixen, too.

Oh, where have you been? You haven't had a popular song in a few years, Enrique. Come back and sing to me. My friends and I loved Escape, Be With You and Bailamos. I know you were secretly singing them to me. If you haven't dumped Anna yet, do so and I'll lose the BF and you can sing to me in spanish.

Watch this video and you can't tell me you don't want to have sex with him. I think it's the pouty look that gets me.

Friday fodder

Friday, September 26, 2008

After making it through the wedding season to end all wedding seasons last year, this one has been pretty mild with only five I believe. Somehow, we end up with three in a span of five weeks. Can you say hello to my depleting checking account? It's gone, gone and gone.

I'm actually looking forward to all three coming up. Hopefully, all are filled with fantastic liquor/wine and desserts - screw the dinner. I just want desserts and wine. Lots of it. (Who really goes to the weddings for the food anyway?)

Other than the free liquor, what is the best part of weddings for you?

And, I love a good trainwreck. Feel free to share stories of weddings gone horribly wrong.

SATC - the release

Tuesday, September 23, 2008

Did you really think I wouldn't mention this?
Ta-dah! Sex and the City: The Movie is being released all over.

I can not wait. Unfortunately, I didn't purchase an advance copy although Blockbuster asked me not once, not twice but three times if I'd like to purchase it on different visits. I don't think it helped that I desperately wanted the poster hanging in the window for my office. Maybe that's what gave away my obsession with the movie.

Happy viewing.

Mind Ninjas Part II

Monday, September 22, 2008
Guys are very quick to say girls are the vicious, controlling and manipulative ones. To quote Dane Cook, we mind fuck you guys all the time

The BF will turn the big 2-9 on October 3. If you ask him, it was the day God created perfection. (Really. He says that.)

Of course, there is also something else happening that day that I might have to attend. The BF says he doesn't care if I go.

BF: "It's not big deal. Go ahead and go. Have fun."

Well this was on Saturday. So, I ask him again today to make sure he didn't change his mind and was fine with me going.

Until he decided to pull the mind fuck trick on me that girls supposedly pull, and he yanked back his blessing. Well, sort of.

BF: Allison, it's just how girls say whatever to guys. It doesn't really mean 'whatever.' It means 'I dare you to.
Me: Are you daring me to go? I won't if you don't want me to.
BF: No. I'm just saying figure it out.
Me: You don't care, right? You said this isn't a big birthday to you and you don't mind.
BF: Yes dear.
Me: What does that mean?
BF: Figure it out. Now you know how guys feel when girls expect us to read between the lines of their "whatever's and fine's." It isn't that easy, is it?

Are we really that complicated?

At the Ro k

Friday, September 19, 2008
"You smell like alcohol," says the BF when I got home last night.

Give me a break. I had only had two beers in a 4-hour span with these peeps at the Rock Bottom Brewery. Since Taawd is secretly a woman, he celebrates his birthday all week long...just like some of the girls (like me) do! The BF passed on the festivities to watch Transformers for the 300th time to see Megan Fox - should I be concerned? Probably not, but have you seen her on the cover of GQ?

Here's what I learned:

Taawd likes celebrating 36 way more than 35.
Alexa showed up from what sounded like a great party with a few co-workers, including Connie of the dum-dum challenge. (yes, that one!)
Narm won't french the waitress - no matter how much Alexa tries to bring back frenching.

"I'm going to bring frenching back," says Alexa. Watch out Clevelanders, here she comes.

Things my boyfriend's friends say

Monday, September 15, 2008
After watching the Browns game last night in a friend's basement, my BF's friend pointed out something to me.

"Girls have this way of naturally ruining everything." Everyone erupted into laughter.

Being that I was one of two girls present, he was referring to me because I was commenting on Polamalu's hair (he needs a hair tie) and if the players were or weren't good-looking. The final straw came when the cameras flashed to Michael Phelps. A kid I went to high school with was sitting next to him in the loge, which prompted my phone to ring a few times from friends.

According to Chris, this is when I started to ruin things.

Welcome to football season.

Love on TV Part 2

Friday, September 12, 2008

If you remember a few weeks ago, I shared about my BF's crush on Abby Ham. Through the power of the internet and help from Taawd, she read my post and sent an autographed picture his way within days. I couldn't contain my excitement, so I gave it to him right away. I was going to hold it hostage until his birthday in early October, but I couldn't wait that long.

Plus, he must've asked me every day after I posted, "Did you talk to her? What did she say? Do you really think she's going to send a picture?" W

hen I gave it to him, his face turned slightly red - I don't think he thought he was really going to receive a picture. Then, he walked the handwritten picture all over the office, explaining the picture and story to everyone who was aware of his crush.

He still does it even though he knows that Abby is well aware. Luckily she wasn't at all freaked out by him talking to the TV each freaking morning and has a great sense of humor.

Thanks again, Abby Ham, and good morning to you, too!


Thursday, September 11, 2008
Several of my friends will ocassionally complain about the whereabouts of their boyfriends when they are out with friends. Mostly because they don't get updates or receive calls when they are out.

"He never calls me."
"I don't know where he is."
"When he's with his friends, I never hear from him."
"Why is he ignoring my texts?"

My answer was always, "He's with his friends. Leave them alone."

One of my pet peeves is when I'm out with my friends and their BFs call - all the time. Why are you calling? You know where she is and who she is with. It's even worse if the girls leave their phones on the table if we are out to dinner, talking and catching up. I've been known to steal a phone or two if necessary.

Put the cell phone away.

No one cares if he texts you about the make-up you left out on the counter for the fourth time. And, boys, don't be surprised if she doesn't answer her phone. Her good friends probably confiscated the device so she enjoys herself.

I don't have to be concerned with knowing where my BF is because I get days notice. He's known for sending me stupid e-mails or phone calls explaining where he'll be. Or, he concocts some elaborate story as to where he will be which is never true.

Here's what I get today from the BF.

Two things -

I will not be home tonight.

I will not be home all day on Sat 9/20 (secret male-only party)

My only rule - Just don't call me from the strip club. Call a cab to come and get you.

Mi-ya Hee, Mi-ya Ha-ha

Monday, September 8, 2008
In honor of the trainwreck that was the VMA's last night, here is my favorite video that reminded me of the duet between T.I. and Rihanna.

My friends and I found this video while were in college. It's quite hilarious and we loved playing it over and over until everyone else in the house wanted to kill us. (I was even singing my own made up foreign language version of this song last night and the BF was about to kill me. To make it even worse, I then jumped on iTunes and started blaring it while dancing around the apartment.)

For all the wannabe thugs of the world, T.I. I'm talking to you too...Just remember that you remade a song that this kid sang two years ago. Now, just how gangsta are you again?

When I Grow up

Thursday, September 4, 2008

This past weekend was a whirlwind trip filled with old friends that date back to the class of 2001. A good friend from high school tied the knot, which meant one fun and interesting wedding that moved to one our local bars. Do you ever see that group of girls who can't dance but somehow take over the dance floor and the DJ? They also probably annoy the rest of the bar?? Sound familiar. Well, that was me and my friends last Saturday downtown in our hometown. I clearly have white girl syndrome when it comes to dancing. I throw my hands up in the air, try and shake my hips without looking like I have turrets. I have no rhythm and I wouldn't be good on any types of poles. Back to my story though.

So, we monopolized what you would call the dancefloor. (This bar isn't W.6th. It's clearly not a bar that has a DJ, but it's something new they must be trying and probably won't try after last weekend.) We were the group of girls dominating all the popular songs right now - Rihanna (Disturbia), Lady Gaga (Just Dance) and Pussycat Dolls (When I grow up). For some odd reason at the wedding, I tried to get my friends to imitate the dance I saw earlier that week of the Pussycat Dolls on the Today Show.

Because really..if it doesn't happen on the Today Show, does it really even count?

So, my friends thought it was hilarious at the wedding and decided to request the song again for a repeat. As you will see in the 30-seconds that you will probably wish you got back, I can't dance and no one except my friend, Steph, decides to join in. But, hey, we entertained my friends.

1st of the month

Tuesday, September 2, 2008
Every first couple days of the month, the BF and I have the same fight. It's not over dishes, friends, or who did or didn't vacuum. No, it's over the rent.

Our rent is due by the 5th of every month. Since we get paid on the first, I immediately write my check and tell him, "We need to pay the rent," as if he didn't know this. He likes to wait until the 3rd and almost get a late penalty because if it clears after the 5th, they charge you.

A typical conversation:
BF: Allison, it's not due until the 5th.
Me: No, BF, it's due by the 5th. Not on the 5th. By the 5th.
BF: Allison, if we get a late penalty, I'll pay it.
Me: No you wont. Just write your check on the 1st and we won't have this problem.

So, I receive a phone call today from the BF, conveniently right after I wrote my check yesterday for him.
BF: Alllison, where's my rent check?
Me: I hate you.
BF: No, really, where is it?
Me: I hate you. You know I wrote it for you yesterday.
BF: I didn't get it.
Me: I'm breaking up with you.
BF: (laughing) No, really, I didn't get.
Me: No, you really did and I'm hanging up now.

At this point, he's now laughing hysterically on the phone.

He knows just how to push my buttons.