make me glow

For all of you who have been following my crazy friends and their comments, no, I do not look like Ross after being spray tanned.

I'm pale. I am. It's just how it is. I apparently inherited the pale portion from my mixed roots from Croatia, Hungary and Poland. My mom is more olive toned and can tan after an hour in the sun and so can my brother. Well, my dad is the opposite and I'm somewhere in the middle - I do burn but I tan at the same time.

After reading a scary Allure article and hearing about Alexa from Cleveland's a Plum friend (in Glamour too), I vowed to quit indoor tanning FOR GOOD.

I was done. Quit cold turkey. With all the sunless lotions and bronzer, I've made my way through the winter with my natural skin tone and knowing I will look less of an old hag than those who tan year round as I age.

Do I lay out? Yes, in moderation. I wear SPF 45 all over and huge glasses or a hat to protect my face. I'm all for plastic surgery. A little nip here and there, but I don't want to need a full face lift by the time I'm 40. Do you know how many Louis Vuitton bags I can have for that price tag??? Or beach vacations? Or dirty vodka martinis?

So after the beautiful Cleveland weather we had this past weekend, a friend brought my new favorite tanning salon to my attention - Glow Tan & Spa. I tried it out and loved it. There are three levels - natural, medium and dark. Like I said, I'm like Casper so I opted for the natural color. Plus, I'm not trying to look like Paris Hilton or Tara Reid.

Before looking at a pasty white arm.

After looking at a glowing arm.

After looking at a glowing face!

If you are in the Cleveland area and want a nice glow for the rainy week, head over to Glow and make an appointment with my new friend Callie.

Friday Fodder

Friday, April 24, 2009
We like to switch things up. I think it's more about women switching things up then men. We like to try things from lotions to hair gel to a new lipgloss. We don't dress to impress guys - we dress to impress all other women if you boys haven't figured that out yet.

Would you switch your sexuality? Yes, you betcha - women are doing it all over and apparently there's now a word for this: sexual fluidity. Who knew?

"It's clear that a change in sexual orientation is imaginable to more people than ever before, and there's more opportunity -- and acceptance -- to cross over the line," says Klein, noting that a half-dozen of her married female patients in the past few years have fallen in love with women. "Most are afraid that if they don't go for it, they'll end up with regrets."

With all the switching up these days, what wouldn't you switch?

I wouldn't switch my gym, Urban Active, because I love the place - it's clean and they provide great classes and instructors. I also wouldn't switch from using Aveda products because they smell fantastic and are earth friendly. However, I would switch in my Verizon phone for the iPhone because it's like carrying around my laptop in one little device. I can't wait to get one.

naturally thin my ass

I read everything and anything I can get my hands on - books, magazines, blogs, etc. My favorite magazines to read are Lucky, Glamour, Elle and Marie Claire (as long as they don't throw celebs like Lindsay Lohan on the cover for no reason. Otherwise, I cancel subscriptions - sorry MC.) Love the fashion, the columns and most of all the articles.

What I can't get over is how people really think celebs look the way they do on the cover.

random girl in magazine aisle: "OMG. She looks aaaammmmmazing. Why can't I look like that?"

Um, here's an honest answer: Because she's not real! Her arms, chin, and knees are slimmed, color corrected and adjusted to make her look just right. She's just plain not real. For older women, we get this fake ideal isn't obtainable, but it's rather a graphic designer's dream and the magic of a little InDesign to make them look extra sparkly.

But younger girls don't unless someone explains this to them. And, worse, they see pictures like this of Miss Universe Australia and desire to look like her. (Seriously, click on the link because the image is disturbing that someone considers that a healthy ideal.)

She's scary thin. So, now have we not only made young girls think they should play dumb like Jessica Simpson or Paris Hilton based on their reality shows, we now want them to have their ribs protruding from their bodies.

What's next? Tanning and implants for 10-year-olds?

Oh, wait, the pageant moms might have that covered already.

Swim with Michael (or at least meet him)

Tuesday, April 21, 2009

Calling all New Yorkers! Or those who would like to meet the gold medalist himself, Mr. Michael Phelps.

He's making an appearance at the OMEGA Boutique for only one hour tomorrow. If I were you, I'd take my lunch break late and run over to get a picture with him. Rumor has it he was canoodling with Miss California. Yes, the one that has made headlines for the last two days for saying "opposite" instead of "heterosexual" and all-in-all trying to be politically correct, but not quite, with her answer to Perez Hilton's question.

If I met him, here's what I would do -
-Wear the highest heels I had so I didn't look like a smurf next to him.
-Make sure to make a joking reference to weed (then probably kicked out)
-Explain to him the value of banning cameras at all parties he attends
-Take a picture with him and make it my icon for Twitter, Facebook, Blogger and maybe even my nameplate at work.

If you are so lucky to be in the area, stalk him from 2 to 3 p.m. tomorrow.

OMEGA Boutique
711 Fifth Avenue
Between 55th & 56th

Sex is for the birds

Monday, April 20, 2009
I'm really annoyed with all the stimulus packaging advertising. I don't think it's funny or cute really. We are in serious tough times. Domino's, Subway or even local car company TV ads can really irk me.

But, mix a bald eagle, condoms and economic hard times and you have got yourself 16 seconds of "no-they-didn't" in front of you.

Friday Fodder

Friday, April 17, 2009
Since the weather is warming up, maybe Clevelanders will get to see more hot bodies out running in in the next few weeks. What better way to end the week then looking at David Beckham for :52 seconds?

Perez posted this hot commercial for your viewing pleasure.

And if you want to drool at your desk, look at the behind-the-scenes footage from the commercial up and close with his oiled body.

Holy hotness, Mr. Beckham. I would not kick you out of bed for eating any type of food in bed. Crackers, steak or even drinking red wine - you can even spill a little and I'll let you stay there.

meow, meow

Let's just get something out of the way right away - throwing an animal isn't cool, Kenley. I loved your designs until you got cocky toward the end of your Project Runway time. I love a confident girl, don't get me wrong, but I despise when reality people start yelling at the judges.

I love cats. I once owned one named Captain Jack of Octopussy, but when I moved in wit the BF, I had to send him into retirement with my parents. He was such a cute little guy. He followed me around and I even taught him to fetch...tampons. He liked the plastic crinkling noise, so if you threw one, he was chasing after it.

In college, Captain Jack and his partner in crime, Hobbes, provided my 7 roommates and me with a ton of excitement and free comedy. The cats would try to escape on a weekly basis from our house and even climbed out on the third story through a hole in the screen. We only noticed after we had locked the house and were getting in the car. They tried running out the front door and even would disappear into the scariest basement you've ever seen in your life. Needless to say, they survived but now both cats live with our parents. (Notice a pattern?)

Anyway, if you are in a fight with your significant other, try not to launch a cat at the other person because PETA will be at your ass faster than you can say pussycat. Although, maybe she'll partner with Hello Kitty and design a line of cat clothing to make up for it.

Sidenote: If she would've in fact married the ex-fiance who she threw the cat at, her name would've been Kenley Penley. Maybe that's why she tossed the cat at him, I wouldn't want my names to rhyme either.

slumdog schlumdog

Monday, April 13, 2009
I finally watched the movie to supposedly end all movies - Slumdog Millionaire. I've wanted to see this movie ever since people started rumbling about it months ago. It's set where? It's based on what? Is it a musical?

Then, when the Golden Globes and Oscars came along, I decided I would just wait to rent in on DVD.

When people would ask me, "have you seen Slumdog Millionaire yet? It's amazing. You hhhhhavvvveee to see it."

Me: No, I think I'm going to wait for it to come on DVD. There's a lot of movies I want to see at this point.
Those people: Youuuuuuuu haven't seen Slumdog yet? Are you serious? What are you waiting for? You hhhavvveee to see it.
Me: Duh, it to come out on DVD.

Ok, here's my best review - are you ready? Don't shoot me for my opinion. I loved the scenery and the cinematography as the little kids were rushing through the slums running from the guards at the beginning. It was extremely eye-opening and heart wrenching the way kids can and do survive in India. It was touching and the story line was cute but I don't know if it necessarily qualified as best picture of year. Having only seen two of the other films, I don't think I can make a qualified yet completely unqualified decision. I don't know what I will watch it again - I might when it comes on HBO and I can catch it halfway in like I do with so many other movies, but I wasn't blown away by it like I expected.

Maybe the hype got the best of me?

Friday Fodder

Friday, April 10, 2009
So Cleveland's weather might be a little iffy in April, but it held up last night for a great tour on E.4th for me and some friends. I started out at Corner Alley for a work function, then headed over to The GreenHouse Tavern for the Facebook Funkadelic party.

(check out the flickr page for more photos)

If it's on your radar of places, you won't be disappointed at all. (Hell, that whole alley is the cutest place to hang out in the spring and summer.) I tried a few appetizers like the radish, french fries and a few more they were passing around. They have custom wine glasses with their logo on them, too. I was really impressed with the layout and decor. It's pretty much unlike any other restaurant in the Cleveland area. It's a very clean palette of colors with dark wood features, a cement bar and what I kept calling bicycle lamps hanging from the ceiling. (There's also a huge story the green certification but check out the site for more of their story.) The place was packed from 7 p.m with a live band and there weren't any signs of it slowing down either.

Next we ventured over to La Strada for a glass of wine and another appetizer, where we finally called it a night. It was an overall great night out and who even needs the weekend when you can pretend you are in college and make Thursday night the night to go out.

If you live downtown, I'm jealous because there are some very cool places to hang out, and you are only a hop, skip and jump away from your home.

Can you hear me now?

After much thought and self evaluation, I've come to a major conclusion: I am loud.

Nothing I seem to do is ever quiet.

I talk loud. I sneeze loud. I blow my nose extremely loud. I type loud. I answer the phone loud. I even walk loud. I put my heels down first then my toes which makes this pounding noise when you run upstairs and makes a loud clicking noise in heels. (My mom does the same thing so it must be genetic.)

I even manage to put things away loudly. Every morning, when I'm trying really hard to be quiet and not wake the BF up, I seem to knock something over. EVERYTIME.

If I'm putting away the tooth paste, I accidentally hit the deodorant which falls, knocking over my face lotion that creates this domino effect of noise in my cabinet. It's even worse when you accidentally cause this domino effect and it sends your new perfume flying and crashing onto the bathroom floor.

Glass + falling fast + tile floor don't mix well. At all.

WTF! How is that possible? Or, I open the bathroom door which is so close to the flat iron cord, pulling it off the counter because the cord gets stuck on the door stopper and it sends the flat iron crashing onto the tile floor. (If you want to purchase one more often, keep doing this because pretty soon the paddles will come out. Chi loves my clumsiness.)

I'm a klutz or as the BF says, a bull in a china shop. He sometimes lovingly refers to me as Sammy the bull.

schick says mow your lawn

Monday, April 6, 2009
And not the one outside in your yard either.

How clever!?! Calling the "lawn" your female hair down under? Oh.My.God. You know a man came up with that stellar idea.

How drunk was the jingle guy? I guarantee it was probably a group of men, drinking late one night who came up with this amazing idea of how to relate razors to mowing grass but secretly talking about shaving your lady parts.

A show of hands please... who has waxed their area into a heart? Maybe a symbol of some type? Anyone colored it? (Way back when, I remember reading articles, probably in Cosmopolitan, about coloring your hair red or pink.)

Lastly, I can think of a lot of other favorite things to do, and it's definitely not shaving my V either.

Although, I'm still humming the jingle and played it for several people. Every person said, "A man came up with that."

Friday Fodder

Friday, April 3, 2009
No freaking way!

True story.

Woman divorces husband for cleaning too much
BERLIN (Reuters) – A German woman has divorced her husband because she was fed up with him cleaning all the time.

German media reported the wife got through 15 years of marriage putting up with the man's penchant for doing household chores, tidying up and rearranging the furniture.

But she ran out of patience when he knocked down and rebuilt a wall at their home when it got dirty, Christian Kropp, court judge in the central town of Sondershausen, said on Thursday.

"I'd never had anyone seek a divorce for this," he said.

Spit in private

Wednesday, April 1, 2009
I'm not usually grossed out by many things. The typical gross things don't really gross me out like blood, vomit or dog poop. My stomach doesn't easily turn for some reason. However, it will turn in a quick second when I see public spitting. I don't know what it is but I get instantly grossed out to the point where I might vomit.

It's one my biggest pet peeves and in public is even worse. I find spitting to be incredibly gross, unrefined and disgusting. Blah, eww, (this is me making gross faces.)

If you are running and need to spit, I can understand that because chances are most people aren't paying attention to you because they are driving. Or, if you are pretty much by yourself, I can maybbbbbeee see how you think you could spit in private. However, don't spit in public. Just don't.

The BF says he has an over production of saliva so he needs to spit occasionally. In front of me and in public.

Newsflash: No you don't!

Let's just say it doesn't EVER go over well with me. I immediately roll my eyes and point out how gross it is and feel nauseous. It's not even a powerful spat either. It's a wimpy one that I would describe as "dripping from his mouth." It's gross, stop doing it!

If you need to spit occasionally, you'll need to avoid doing it in front of me. For instance, we were leaving Bar Louie in Legacy and he spit on the pretty cobblestone. Seriously? You just spat in front of me AND like a hill billy in Legacy Village?

Ewww. Gross. Here's hoping my posting will cure you of your nasty habit.

What's your pet peeve?