Weekend roundup

So I'm just a few days late with a recap from my Memorial day weekend.

You never would've thought that an iPhone, a reality TV show, high school friends, Twitter and a coke float would make up for a freaking hilarious night but it did.

Right at the beginning, my friends ,Steph and Gretchen, thought it would be hilarious to tweet from my phone "Coke floatin' it bitches :)" and then, of course, not tell me about it. Well they didn't realize that I couldn't see my status updates, until I checked my phone a half hour later to see that a follower had retweeted "Coke floatin' it bitches:)".

Here is my past weekend in pictures.

The picture that started it all.

Sak kills at Sakapalooza says Steris. Thank god Jesse can laugh with us.

The parental side of the deck.

With the star himself.

Party at the table.

Friday Fodder

Thursday, May 28, 2009
Ok, I know it's Thursday but this shaving video by Gillette cracked me up.

Really? The tree looks taller when there's no under brush? Keep thinking that, shorty.

tunic does not mean dress

Tuesday, May 26, 2009
On Saturday, a few friends and I hit the bar scene of downtown Cleveland. I can only go there so often but when we do, we always have a great time. However, I think some of the ladies were confused and got on and off the Christie's stripper bus at the wrong location.

To quote a friend, "Tunic does not mean dress." Holy mother, those were freaking shirts, not dresses. Ridiculously tight, jersey material "dresses."

I'm all for fashion and staying trendy by all means. I will admit that I can't pull off certain clothes as well as other women due to my height/weight proportions. But there is no excuse for letting your friends leave the house with their hoo ha's hanging out and look like they just got off the lunch shift at the local strip club.

Absolutely none. My only conclusion is that you must not really be friends with her because you wanted to a good laugh.

In case you need help, here is my checklist for wondering if my dress is in fact a tunic.

You should be wearing leggings if:
-you ass cheeks are hanging out
-you don't have a Calvin Klein invisible thong on
-you ask out loud, "is this too short?" and your friends don't immediately answer
-your thong is in fact showing.
-you are mistaken for entertainment on the street corner.
-the dress actually says "shirt" on the tag.
-you don't want to be mistaken for one of the well-behaved women of Rock of Love.

For fear of tagging some people I know, or worse, making fun of people you know, just click on over to Spot Cleveland and check out pictures from The Barley House on Saturday to see what I'm referring to.

UPDATE: There's a whole blog dedicated to the phenomenon, thanks anonymous for sharing! Shirt or Dress? You decide and send your pictures in.

Friday Fodder

Friday, May 22, 2009
Ohhhhhhhhhh the weekend! I love the smell, the time I can waste and the friends I can hang out with again over this long weekend.

Tonight: I'll be watching the Cavs game somewhere wearing my CLE Clothing Company shirt. Go Cavs!

Tomorrow: I'll be running for the first time this week (bad runner) and probably about 3 or 4 miles.

Sunday: I'll be heading west to be on a boat with my pale self if it's nice out and then catch up with my old friends from high school.

The BF has met them and their boyfriends sometime last year. I always forget who he has or hasn't met yet. Anyway, these girls and I go back years - freaking years.

All the way back to when we went to the Spice Girls concert and didn't have our licenses so our moms had to drive us. Thank you mom for being a trooper. Then we tackled our next big milestone when we entered high school, kicked ass at volleyball, had umpteen sleepovers, drank Zimas with jolly ranchers and threw back one too many lemon drop shots. (I can't do those shots anymore because of my traumatic experiences with drinking those.) We saw each other through lame boyfriends, lame fairweather friends, lame or not-so-lame parties, but more importantly, we were there to laugh at each other when we did stupid things like getting a permanent "Do Not Enter" card from Afterthoughts jewelry store. Only us.

Well, let's hope this weekend we are a little wiser, and older, than our former selves.

Here is a bunch of us two years ago at my friend's wedding.

word games

Wednesday, May 20, 2009
I hate the word dude. Or maybe it's only when the BF says it. He sometimes ends his sentences with this and I feel that it's directed toward me. I'm not your "dude." I'm your girlfriend. Not your friend, dude. I'm still your girlfriend.

Some examples of the word dude used by the BF
"Don't park your care there, someone could hit dude."
"Dude where's my car?"
"check out this video, it's so funny dude."
"The Magic coach looks like Ron Jeremy dude."
"That's gross dude."

Or, for extra emphasis, sometimes he ends his statements with, "y'know what I'm saying."

Um, yes I know what you are saying because you just said it. Duh dude.

I'm a runner

I trained, I ran and I conquered my first 10K bright and early yesterday morning. If you would've asked me a few months ago if I would've been up at 6 a.m. on a Sunday to run, I probably would've laughed at you. I really would have. Who knew that me, little old me, would be up to competitively run for fun!?!

I had big dreams of getting to the course at 6:30 to stretch and talk with other runners. It didn't quite happen that way because I hit snooze on my alarm until 6:10 and wasn't out the door until 6:35 and I live about 20 minutes from downtown. Luckily, I found a parking spot a few blocks away and walked up right as the marathon and half marathon runners took off.

Because I didn't want to run with a fanny pack (I don't own one anyway), I didn't take my camera but I think this video from Cleveland.com captures a lot of the excitement.

2009 Cleveland Marathon

I completed my first 10K in 61 minutes and without stopping. I felt pretty good throughout the whole thing the exception of the wind. The wind was pretty damn cold when we were in the shade, but it made me speed up to get the in sunlight.

Here's what I learned about myself:

1)Men twice my age were kicking my ass in really short shorts.

2)I don't think I really "dressed" the part of a runner. Some of these men and women only had shorts and tank tops on. I'll have to remember that at my next race and forget about my pants to look the part of a real runner.

3)I can run much longer than I initially thought I could. Hell, I wanted to take on the half marathon after I finished, which proves my point that anyone can become a runner at any point in their life.

4)I'm really hoping that all the benefits of running start happening to me, including slimmer legs, ass and thighs. Some of those runners had amazing legs so Self, feel free to lose the extra weight anytime. I'll be waiting and so will my white jean purchase.

road trippin'

Saturday, May 16, 2009
Because I'm getting my ass up at the crack of dawn tomorrow to run the Cleveland
, I'm missing my friend's engagement party in Michigan.

Ever since they left this morning, my friend Michelle and the BF have been sending me funny texts on their 4.5 hour drive. I don't think any text tops this video of Michelle making fun of her boyfriend's dance.

Apparently they are calling it the shark dance and she's been doing the whole trip, imitating her boyfriend's dance moves. Well, Mike took a quick clip and sent it along to me.

The best part of this whole video is that both boys are tolerating "Right Round" on the drive.

Friday Fodder

Do you want to know what irks me?

People who take naked pictures and then don't own up to them. And then who blame it on a natural weather element like wind and an over-zealous photographer with a trigger finger.

1) No one forced you to wear a shrunken vest that wouldn't even fit a five-year-old.

2) You could've asked the assistants to turn the fan off.

3) Don't give that gust of wind crap that blew open your shrunken vest.

4) Your friends totally took the picture of you in pink briefs to send your BF versus homemade "test" shots.

5) You can be Christian and take naked photos. We don't care, really, you can but don't put yourself on a pedestal because you can get knocked off.

6) You can get knocked off by that gust of unassuming wind.

7) You said it yourself - the wind can be powerful! You know never know when a gust will come through next and blow your pants off.

I think it's pretty obvious that every girl from here on out has taken nude pictures or has a sex tape or two floating around ex-boyfriends rooms. I haven't and I'm not sure why we are still surprised by this. If you take them, just own up to them and take responsibility for it. Truthfully, if the worst you can do is a few topless photos, acknowledge them, walk away and take the highest bidder for your next photo shoot in Maxim or Playboy.

We both know it's in the works!

Shhhh, online dating, shhhh

Thursday, May 14, 2009
Before I started this blog, I had this crazy idea to track my roommate and good friend at the time on her time spent on Match.com. I convinced her to sign up after much begging and pleading for two reasons - lots of blog fodder and a chance for her to meet new people. She was new in town at the time and I thought it would be a great opportunity. She did sign up and didn't have much luck other than meeting a friend's friend on there. That's it for her 30 days.

Fast forward two years and I beg all my single friends to go on there and let me track their dating trials and tribulations. My only prospect right now is my friend, Maureen, because she's not dating anyone and has a great sense of humor for a project like this. Yes, she goes on the occasional dates but feels at 25 that she's too young for an online dating site.

Mo, if you are reading this, you aren't too young and just THINK of the fun you could have guest posting your escapades of the online dating world and sharing with my readers. So much fun - that's how much. Plus, we could co-write a book about dating do's and dont's and put a different perspective on it. (Working a title in my head right now.)

So, let's think about it and get back to me in a few weeks.

Friday Fodder

Seriously, I think I've seen and heard it all with self help dating guides lately. These two chicks wrote a book about the best way to send and understand flirty text messages from men in a new book called Flirtexting - how to text your way into his heart.

I wish I could cut and paste parts of this hilarious interview together with some great bubblegum pop song. These women are probably rolling in dough because this book is so ridiculous so I'm sure it will sell thousands of copies.

From their funny interview on CNN, I picked out a few comments that they said in the interview with my responses as if I was actually interviewing them and could comment face to face.

"We created a formula to always getting the response we want and in our book we reveal the ways to flirtext."

OMG - you are so full of shit and you know it. Formula my ass!

"Hey I know a cute blond that will be at X bar and you should come check it out."

Seriously - you think having women talk about themselves in third person will work to get a guy to meet them out! Just invite him out already before he hits at the brunette sitting next to him at the bar he's actually at.

"We created a timeline for response times because a lot of guys can tell things about girls by their response time."

A timeline? Are you trying to scare him away already? What do you think he would do if he realized women had a printed timeline to follow! I hope they hide that timeline before they have that man in their apartment.

"What's the biggest mistake a girl can make with a guy? Responding with the first text that comes to mind."

Does it really matter in the end? If you want to jump his bones, just say that. If you think he is ugly, then don't respond. I doubt guys put that much thought into it unless you are texting him 345 times in one day. Then, only then, should you think about not responding to the first text that comes to mind.

So, ladies and gents, do you have texting rules like the ladies of this book suggest?

run forrest run

For of those of you who follow me on Twitter, I must send a tweet a day talking about my workouts, how I'm going to the gym or just ran a few miles. I'm sorry about all that nonsense, but it will stop as of next Sunday - because that's race day.

I'm training, along with several other friends, for the RiteAid Cleveland Marathon. Initially, I thought I could do the half marathon. Why not? I've never been a runner. Ever. So why wouldn't I think I could sprint out 13.1 miles on your average Sunday morning?

Well, I scaled back my big dreams to only run the 10K instead. It's a little more manageable for a beginner runner like myself. I'm 9 days out and I think I can do it and under an hour, or at least that's my goal at this point.

I really wasn't shooting for time but trying to accomplish the whole 6.2 miles without doubling over in pain or running out of breath. Luckily, my friend, Maureen, is running in it, too, so we've been keeping each other motivated.

And by motivated, I mean making fun of each other if we didn't run or work out because that's what keeps us motivated at this point.

If you want to get up at 7 a.m, run in the race or just come and watch me, my friends I will love your company to keep us going. You better believe I'm eating at Lucky's Cafe after the race, too.

Airplus giveaway

Thanks to all those who entered for the Airplus giveaways.

I loved all the stories and some even reminded of my own shoe mishaps over the years.

However, the winner of this one is the shortened story that made me laugh out loud and spit out some of my tea.

ALWAYS A BRIDESMAID!! Here is her entry:

"My friend once took off her shoe to make an "adjustment," then accidentally "dropped" it (read: whizzed it like she was throwing someone out at first base) next to a cute guy I was eyeing up at the bar. It worked. He and I ended up chatting for the rest of the nite. That's what I call a good wingwoman. And a great pair of shoes."

I'd love to hear more of these wingwoman stories!

Congrats, and I hope these Steppies will make your next pair of gladiator heels feel like a massage on your feet.

a massage for the feet with Airplus giveaway

As women, we love shoes and I think I've shared my love of shoes and boots here earlier this year. I often wear uncomfortable shoes that may be a little too tight but rationalize the pain for the sake of fashion.

My most memorable night was my friend's bachelorette party with these 3.5 wedges from Nine West that were a shiny gold on the side. (I just loved them and they hated my feet.) It hurt like hell and I sat down every chance I got when we got on the bus or got to the bar. I've only worn them twice so the shoes continue to sit in my closet.

Lindsay offered me the chance to try out some Airplus products with shoes that are too big, to slippery, too tall or are generally just uncomfortable. I put a pair of the gel Steppies into my 4 inch ankle booties. I wore these all winter long and the pads of my feet would start throbbing by hour 6 if I was standing in them. I put them in first thing in the morning and it was like a massage to my feet. (Truthfully, I didn't expect much because the shoes were serious when it came to the pain department.) I walked all day long, even wore them out later to dinner (at this point, I would be begging to take the shoes off) but my feet were still feeling great.

Do you have a pair of shoes that hurt your feet but you refuse to throw away? Share your favorite shoe moment by Wednesday, May 5 - a bad pair, a great pair, an embarrassing story about you and a pair of shoes - and you will be entered to win the all four products below.

P.S. I might even ask the for the full version for a later guest post.