romance shomance

It all started with a conversation with a friend. I then started thinking more about it and posed the question to more friends over sushi and wine because it wasn't possible that two of us could think the exact same thing, right? We all agreed. We all laughed, shared our stories and laughed some more.

Romance is dead. Or, at least on life support when it comes to our relationships. I told the BF how all my friends and I agreed that him and his friends need to kick it up a notch when it comes to the romance department. He laughed and went back to watching TV. (Told you romance was dead.)

To further prove my point with the other sex present, I brought it up again with the help of two friends to our boyfriends and husbands over dinner and drinks again. (I was the only non-married one of the group.)

We talked about everything from sex to love to flowers and back to sex again because it might truly be the one thing always on a guy's mind.

Here's what I've come to realize and it will save you subscriptions to Glamour and Cosmopolitan and countless future psych sessions.

Are you ready?

I'm not sure you are.

It's quite earth shattering.

All guys are the same. They are ALL the SAME! There. The secret is out of the bag. You all know it.

So when you think that the other guy is better to his girlfriend, paying more attention to her, buying flowers and making surprise dinner reservations to her favorite restaurant, just know it is one big fat lie!

And, if you don't believe me, I listened to two of my friends share the exact same stories only for their husbands to corroborate each and every one of them.

What you might have overheard from our table:
"That shit only happens because it's a new relationship."
"I want kissing for the hell of it."
"We need more spontaneity."
"I just want a little cuddling, not a lot, just a little."
"Why do you always have to grab them?"

And, to quote one of the guys, "Well ladies, at least you know you aren't holding out for anything else because we are all the same!"

How do you kick up the romance again in your relationship? What do you do?
All tips and tricks will be shared with all of my girlfriends who always share their opinions and feelings with me, no matter how ridiculous they are.

Editor's Note: Most of our conversation was around sex, as it normally is when my friends and I get together. How much are you having? Is it enough? Does it last long enough? How do you keep things fresh? Do you role play like Phil and Claire from Modern Family? You know, those kind of things. However, knowing certain family members read this blog, I decided to keep it a PG and tongue-in-cheek rather than them picturing something else.


Lil' Woman said...

Surprise BJ's! :)
Totally kidding....but a little extra lovin' does makes him more attentive to both our needs.

Mel said...

I have to disagree that "all men are the same," mostly coming from experience of dating random guys from the All Men Are Different breed. Each was unlike the next.

Although I am not a fan of romance AT ALL, so perhaps my idea of "romance" wouldn't correlate with yours.

That said, I'm curious to what women or men consider to still be a "new relationship." I'm a year into this one, and I'm not sick of him nor do I have any complaints in the sex department. You know, other than not being able to every single moment.

Allison M. said...

Lil' women - that came up.

Mel- The guys were qualifying it by the idea of still having to impress the girl and I'm not sure what they mean. And by romance, I don't mean flowers, silly cards and pink boas, I just mean thoughtful things like making a date night without asking. I think my friends meant a little more of that kind of stuff more than I did.

Ann said...

Hmm, either I still have blinders on (I'm still a newlywed after all), or my man really isn't like all the rest. He buys flowers for no reason, cooks dinner every night, plans "date nights" even if that just means making tacos at home via candlelight. He rubs my feet. Every day. I could go on and on, but instead I think I am going to give him a call and tell him how much I love him!

laurajane said...

Ann... can you please have your man teach the rest of these guys? Seriously, I would be beyond thrilled if I did'nt have to remind mine to just take the garbage out. Foot rubs? I've literally begged him before, but the thought of rubbing my feet grosses him out. Sad but true.

LiLu said...


I think we maybe just have a different definition of romance. It changes with the times, and all that. ;-)

alexa - cleveland's a plum said...

i know nothing about this.


Jessica (Bayjb) said...

Wow way to kill the fantasy. Want to kick my dog while you're at it. Way to do it too before I rejoin Match. Call me next time you're thinking this.

Bite Buff said...

Sorry- I'm with Ann. We're three years in and there is still "romance". He cooks me dinner every night, plans cute outings on the weekends, rubs my back at least once a week, leaves me notes around the house...I could go on. I think a woman's definition of "romance" is in the little stuff. I don't think we need grand gestures (although nice every once in a while). Men just need to realize that tiny things make the difference and we'll be wowed. I already knew that I was lucky, but I think that I'll go give him a big kiss right now!

mcm.hannah said...

I do not think all men are the same. Allison - you know for me that is like saying Micah and Matt are the same. I went from being controlled to someone who lets me be myself and encourages that. And in the romance department, I got a massage last night. Sure, I don't come home to flowers every day but this is real life now. I think I would be pissed if I came home to flowers everyday because I don't want him spending all our money on that. Haha.

Persequi said...

Sorry to disagree with you, I came from White collar redneck. Not all men are the same. I have been in a relationship for the last 6 years. During the first couple of years, I bought flowers, opened doors, treated her like a princess. She answered that flowers died, she can open her own damn door and stop putting her on a pedestal. Guess what? I did. Now she is wondering about the flowers, says thank you if I don't slam the door in her face and put my feet up on the pedestal. Sorry, you make it, you get it. My only suggestion is that you start the romance...Let him know somethings you like while you are making the romance and see how he responds. I just wish I could find a woman like Lil' Woman.

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anna marie said...

love this post! couldn't agree more. i do love my husband to death, but the last time we just made out? hmmm.... months. at least!

wekeepsaying said...

i am totally with Ann and Bite Buff. My fiance (finally!) and I constantly mack on each other, grab each other's asses, hold hands...not to mention he always holds doors open for me (no matter how many times I tell him I can open my own damn door, and I love his persistance), offers his arm to me while we're walking or will grab mine, makes sure he carries the heaviest groceries, rubs my feet whenever I ask for it, and loves cooking for me any day of the week. He's gotten especially good at sneak date nights, where I won't know anything until he comes home and says to get ready.

He's fantastic, but if I didn't have him, or had never met him, I might just agree with this post.

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