there's that meeting.
the time where you picture seeing him out unexpectedly when you are looking your best with your skinniest jeans wearing your highest stilettos with a troop of your best friends.
you've played the scenario a thousand times in your head. who doesn't?
what you would say, what've you said a hundred times out loud, alone, to your friends and repeated another million times over and over in the mirror.
you anticipate his reaction, his comebacks and lies back to you.
you know it all too well.
then that scenario becomes reality and you see him and her when you aren't expecting it.
but at least you were wearing those heels, added that black eyeliner for the hell of it and had those friends with you.
your heart beats a little faster as you come close enough to kiss him while looking him in the eyes as you move through the crowd.
really?, you think rolling your eyes, this is going to happen tonight.
he approaches you almost immediately upon arrival and walks away from her to ask you meaningless questions. how are you? congrats on the new job. he just heard. are you excited? did you get a big raise? all questions which are none of his business but you answer in short responses, wondering why you don't feel something. where is it? where is the rush of anger? rush of emotion?
everything you wanted to say, all those words you prepared for that encounter, all falls to the wayside. you realize it doesn't matter anymore.
there's nothing more to say. all those thoughts crumble around him, all the jabs and insults you want to throw, you don't need to defend yourself, you aren't fighting for anything.
it just doesn't matter anymore.
and you realize he's just a shell of the person you knew. not the one you slept next to you for years. not the one you were planning the future with. he doesn't even look the same.
wasn't he taller? did he always mumble when he was nervous? who is that cute guy at the next table staring at me? wait, I think he is checking me out. how much longer can this last because I want to go talk to that guy?
he wishes you a good night and walks away, back to her, and you turn to your friends who crack a few jokes, buy you a drink and then you spend the rest of the night laughing, flirting and dancing feet away from them, knowing that he was just someone you used to you know.