somebody i used to know.

there's that meeting.

the time where you picture seeing him out unexpectedly when you are looking your best with your skinniest jeans wearing your highest stilettos with a troop of your best friends.

you've played the scenario a thousand times in your head. who doesn't?

what you would say, what've you said a hundred times out loud, alone, to your friends and repeated another million times over and over in the mirror.

you anticipate his reaction, his comebacks and lies back to you.

you know it all too well.

then that scenario becomes reality and you see him and her when you aren't expecting it.

but at least you were wearing those heels, added that black eyeliner for the hell of it and had those friends with you.

your heart beats a little faster as you come close enough to kiss him while looking him in the eyes as you move through the crowd.

really?, you think rolling your eyes, this is going to happen tonight.

he approaches you almost immediately upon arrival and walks away from her to ask you meaningless questions. how are you? congrats on the new job. he just heard. are you excited? did you get a big raise? all questions which are none of his business but you answer in short responses, wondering why you don't feel something. where is it? where is the rush of anger? rush of emotion?

everything you wanted to say, all those words you prepared for that encounter, all falls to the wayside. you realize it doesn't matter anymore.

there's nothing more to say. all those thoughts crumble around him, all the jabs and insults you want to throw, you don't need to defend yourself, you aren't fighting for anything.

it just doesn't matter anymore.

and you realize he's just a shell of the person you knew. not the one you slept next to you for years. not the one you were planning the future with. he doesn't even look the same.

wasn't he taller? did he always mumble when he was nervous? who is that cute guy at the next table staring at me? wait, I think he is checking me out. how much longer can this last because I want to go talk to that guy?

he wishes you a good night and walks away, back to her, and you turn to your friends who crack a few jokes, buy you a drink and then you spend the rest of the night laughing, flirting and dancing feet away from them, knowing that he was just someone you used to you know.

case closed.

new chapter.

19 comments:

Jen @ Why CLE? said...

That's the best feeling in the world, I think! I've always thought that moving on from someone meant feeling absolutely nothing for them. Congrats and here's to all the great chapters to come.

Heather said...

It's so weird when all those feelings are just gone. But isn't that the BEST? Rock on, sister. Cheers to all the good things (and boys!) to come!

Christina K said...

Good for you! Can't wait to see you all dolled up at JBB and catch up. XOXO

Jessica B. said...

Couldn't have said it better myself. Crazy how all those things you are prepared to say go right out the window but at the same time are no longer needed.

Heather said...

Nice, Allison. You've def. got some great things ahead!

laurajane said...

Reading this gave me chills. Best, but strangest feeling in the world. Cheers to you dahling. xo

Will said...

very well written.

MoninaW said...

I may have teared up reading this. I'm waiting for this moment.

Narm said...

Did the same thing with Keira Knightley one time. Super awkward.

Alana said...

all that anticipation and anxiety builds up and for what? you've totally moved and i'm so happy for you!! we've all been there and probably haven't acted as cool, calm and collected as you did...cheers!

The Modern Gal said...

It's always good to get that first encounter out of the way. Otherwise, you do spend so much energy envisioning it. Now you can move on, and should you encounter him again, it's not as big of a deal.

Managed Chaos said...

The transformation you've made in your life is inspiring. Kudos to you for conquering that encounter and moving on so successfully to your next chapter.

Katie Swanberg said...

Yep. I think many of us have had that moment, and isn't it weird when someone that you used to know turns into a stranger? I still can't figure that one out. The shitty thing is that although we no longer have feelings for that person, there is still emotional baggage and hurts to work through. (In the case of my divorce two years ago, it's still ongoing.) Good luck to you my dear. You look fab and happy - the way it always should have been. (And PS - when one lets go of a boy, one inevitably meets a man.)

Alexa @ cleveland's a plum said...

I'm so proud of you Allison, you've come along way and you are a better and happier person for going through what you did. Fuck him.

Jackie said...

I love this post because it represents what you are vs. him. A much better person, and given an opportunity for bigger things that would not have happened with him! I know exactly what this feels like and it is such an empowering moment! I am glad you got to experience it, you are amazing! xo

Ryan said...

Now and then I think of all the times you screwed me over
But had me believing it was always something that I'd done
But I don't wanna live that way
Reading into every word you say
You said that you could let it go
And I wouldn't catch you hung up on somebody that you used to know




http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8UVNT4wvIGY

Fizzgig said...

these moments, are what life is all about!! good for you!!!

Michelle V said...

I don't know what I liked more - this post or Jeff's comments! Ok - you win. Loved this!!! Always knew you'd have this moment - so proud of you!!

Suburban Sweetheart said...

This post? Made me so happy.